Not So Young But Angry Conservatives Unite

Getting sick of the progressively worse slant and obvious bias of the media? Got booted out of other sites for offending too many liberals? Make this your home. If you SPAM here, you're gone. Trolling? Gone. Insult other posters I agree with. Gone. Get the pic. Private sanctum, private rules. No Fairness Doctrine and PC wussiness tolerated here..... ECCLESIASTES 10:2- The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Colombia Stops Domino Theory in South America

Well, well, for those of you way too worried that South America would turn into a "workers' paradise" or a "springboard for terrorism," think again.

Colombians re-elected President Uribe with 62 percent of the vote, this past weekend.

This flies in the faces of Venezuela who renewed Hugo Chavez a few years back, despite highly suspicious election results.

Bolivia elected President, or Comrade Morales to head their land into far left turf.

And now Chavez and Morales are solidifying their "USA sucks" coalition.....

Brazil and Argentina kept their left of center but moderate presidents.

Chilie just elected a leftist female president, first female President of Chile, and daughter of a political prisoner in the Allende 1973 coup.

Not that anyone ought to worry about Brazil, Chile, Argentina, or others with left of center leaders. They are not the worry to security.

Certain lands that accuse the US of subverting their beliefs and plotting war, while killing all opposition and nationalizing all businesses and going to London and insulting their host seem a tad unstable. Also, wanting to have nuclear weapons, not power, but weapons and sharing with Fidel Castro is a tad worrisome. What say you, Senor Chavez?

Wait and see, say some.....

Monday, May 29, 2006

Stay The F Back: No More Picketing Troops Funerals

About danged time.....

Perfect Memorial Day present to the families of the wounded and fallen troops, whose graves and hospitals are picketed by sick ass militants.....,2933,181718,00.html

Militants like these useless sacks of gopher gizz.....,2933,197382,00.html

Expect the ACLUseless and other twits to party for the rights of those who spit on our troops graves or lob refuse at their hospital beds....

In the mean time, ahahahahahahaha.....

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation: conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war. . .testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated. . . can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war.
We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate. . .we cannot consecrate. . . we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.
It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us. . .that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion. . . that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain. . . that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom. . . and that government of the people. . .by the people. . .for the people. . . shall not perish from the earth.

Patton's Speech

The other side of Memorial Day, the boldness that times called for.

Now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans, love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball players, the toughest boxers ... Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in Hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost and will never lose a war. Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans. Now, an army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The Bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about individuality for the Saturday Evening Post, don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating. Now we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know ... My God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going up against. My God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards, we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Hun bastards by the bushel. Now some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you'll all do your duty. The Nazis are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood, shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo, that a moment before was your best friends face, you'll know what to do. Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything, we'll let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly, and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose, and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time, and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose. Now, there's one thing that you men will be able to say when you get back home, and you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you, What did you do in the great World War Two? You won't have to say, Well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana. Alright now, you sons of bitches, you know how I feel. I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, anywhere. That's all.

General George S. Patton, Jr.

May 31, 1944, on the eve of D-Day.


Memorial Day Poem

In Flanders Fields

By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918) Canadian Army

IN FLANDERS FIELDS the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.


To those who have fallen, we give our eternal thanks. God Rest Yea All.

Friday, May 26, 2006

George Galloway says killing Tony Blair is justified

Liberal MP George Galloway says a suicide attack or assassination of Tony Blair would be justified. Did the Brits forget the definition of treason? How about collaboration?

Read and see......

Wow, makes you miss the Tower of London and public 'angings. Had any US Senator said this about a sitting US President, wouldn't they be censured, removed from office, and tried for threats? Apparently Britain doesn't have the balls to call its liberals to the carpet for their comments. Britain has gone from being a Lion to a Lemming. I do hope Tony Blair responds to this.

The last Brits to openly talk of killing a Prime Minister, well, they're in prison. Before that, the last seditionists against England who aided another country, were Oswald Mosely and the Black Shirts. Many of the Black Shirts were tried and executed. How Mosely escaped a hangman's noose and Lord Ha Ha didn't we'll never know. But, back in the day, the British government knew how to handle traitors and bullies. Now, they seem to say, "thank you sir, may I have another...." (paddle sound) "Thank you sir, may I have another."

And isn't Galloway from Scotland? How the hell did Scotland elect this guy?

Mysteries of the ages, I guess.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Very Un-PC quotation

Oh Heaven forbid.....

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming an American, and nothing but an American."

"There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes any foreign flag. We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt

Dixie Chicks At It Again

Well, as you know Natalie Maines took back her apology for causing a fracus 3 years ago. She's not sorry about insulting the President, during a time of war. Far from it, she renigged on her crocodile tears (record sales plummetted)

Well, here's one account of the Dixie Chicks, Time and other MSM types...


The Dixie Chicks and their marketing gurus clearly know publicity. They asked themselves: How can we get ourselves featured on the cover of Time and hailed on CBS's "60 Minutes" just before the new CD comes out? Easy. Trash George W. Bush again.
Time's cover had the three women framed in black with the celebratory title "Radical Chicks." They were famous not because of their music but because "They criticized the war and were labeled unpatriotic." That's a bit off. They criticized George W. Bush, with lead singer Natalie Maines telling a London audience the band so despised him they were ashamed to be from the same home state. That isn't exactly a brilliant anti-war policy statement that Madeleine Albright would crib. It was an insult.
But the New York Times, in its own Chicks cheerleading story, explained that once again, Time magazine has been caught awarding covers like back scratches to its friends and benefactors: The Chicks had performed at the party for this year's "Time 100" issue. (That issue also featured a Chicks profile touting their "tart and tasty" new CD and their courage in the face of death threats from former fans.) This tactic is nothing new. Time awarded Bill and Melinda Gates its "Person of the Year" honors for 2005 after the Gates Foundation paid for the magazine's summit on their global health summit a few weeks before. If you have a liberal viewpoint and something of value to offer Time magazine, you, too can rent that famous cover. The Dixie Chicks got it for a song, or two.

Time music writer Josh Tyrangiel spun like a top about how these country singers read the paper daily with a "solid understanding" of current events. How typically liberal. They hate Bush, therefore they are educated voters who know the issues that matter. Tyrangiel cooed over their failure to apologize for their Bush hatred: "apologies are for lapses of character, not revelations of it." Opposing the last president with consistency was a sign of a psychological disorder -- "Clintonphobia," Time called it -- but staunchly opposing this one is a sign of moral character.
Tyrangiel is probably still aglow from his article in 2004, attacking country star Toby Keith for his anti-terrorist anthem "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue," which promised a boot up the terrorists' collective behind. In that article, Tyrangiel quoted -- here she is again -- wailing Natalie Maines: "I hate it. It's ignorant, and it makes country music sound ignorant."
Keith was not to be lauded for producing this song, or hailed as a man of character. Instead liberal opposition "played right into Keith's exaggerated sense of grievance." Time added that in the controversy over his song, Keith was reduced to "a caricature," an extreme. In 2002, Tyrangiel also sneered about how Toby Keith's song came from "the Rush Limbaugh guide to foreign policy" and was "the catchiest song about vengeance since 'The Caissons Go Rolling Along.'"
This, from the magazine that hypes the Dixie Chick death threats?
The new clarion call from the anti-Bush media is the demand that the Dixie Chicks be forgiven for trashing Bush, and country music's audience in general, and proceed directly to the top of the charts because Bush's poll numbers are low. As growing numbers of Americans sour on Bush, asks Tyrangiel, "shouldn't there be a proportional feeling of forgiveness toward the Dixie Chicks?"
The New York Times finds a sanguine liberal trend at the top of the music charts. Citing the lowest poll number that could be found, the latest Harris poll pegging Bush's approval at 29 percent, music writer Jon Pareles touted that the Dixie Chicks were on Amazon's Top 10 sales likes with "albums with antiwar songs" by Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Paul Simon, and Pearl Jam.
On CBS's "60 Minutes," reporter Steve Kroft insisted some critics think the new CD is the best Dixie Chicks work ever -- smooch, smooch. Since the Bush-bashing incident in London, he insisted, "the only thing that's changed is that nearly 70 percent of the American public now agrees with her, at least to some extent." He explained their newest single is "about the hatred and narrow-minded intolerance that they encountered for expressing an opinion."
In the midst of all this, and the inevitable focus on how pro-Bush rednecks wanted them dead, Maines explained, they weren't about to wear "I Love Bush" T-shirts to pander to country-music audiences: "We're not politicians. We're musicians."
You could have fooled me. All the laudatory publicity they're receiving is a direct results of a marketing strategy that is all about politics, not about the music. They are pitching themselves to the liberal media as musical McCains -- love us as we courageously attack our conservative base.
The New York Times declared that for the Dixie Chicks, "free speech was costly." But the publicity their friends in the media are now showering on them is priceless.

On the upside, Reba McIntire had enough to say about the Dixie Chicks, also.,2933,196734,00.html

"I dunno what I was so nervous about. If the Dixie Chicks can sing with their foot in their mouths, I guess I can host this awards show."

Classy Reba, very nice. Now, waiting for Toby Keith or Hank Williams Jr. to chime in with their less clean responses.......


A Soldier and Father's Journey

Here's the link to the story, reported to be true. Just read the letter. No comments from the peanut gallery, or expect to be deleted......

April 29, 2006

Dear Mr. “John Doe”,

“John”, when I met you at Ronald Reagan International Airport, you asked that I send you an e-mail in regards to my son, PFC Joshua Sparling. You wanted to know what happened to him while he was stationed in Iraq and what he and the family have been through during this period.Let me begin by telling you how grateful and thankful we were for you on his flight back to Detroit. As you witnessed, it was very emotional and stressful for both Joshua and myself.Joshua is with the 82nd Airborne out of Fort Bragg, North Carolina. He dropped out of college to enlist with the 82nd to fight in the War on Terror. The recruiter told him he was nuts, because of his testing he could be in any MOS they had to offer. Joshua told him that he wanted to go after the bastards that came after us and he could not do that by sitting behind a desk.In July 2005, Joshua went to West Point on temporary duty with C company 504-PIR, to train cadets for two months. Joshua was given a citation and written up in the New York papers. Basically, the article said that PFC Sparling was on the open fire obstacles with the cadets and one of them lifted their head too high. Josh ran to the officer and yelled at him to keep his damn head down or it would be blown off in combat. The officer embraced Joshua, thanked him and bought him a beer.They did such a good job with the cadets they were going to be rewarded with a two-week temporary duty in Europe to get their overseas jump wings, which nobody has received since WWII. A week before they were to leave, they got the call the Marines needed support in Iraq.On September 2, 2005, they arrived in Baghdad, Iraq. Once in Baghdad, Joshua came down with smallpox in reaction to the shot to prevent them. He was under care for three weeks for that and still has scars on the back of his neck and shoulders. They asked him if he wanted to go to Germany for treatment, but he told them he would not leave unless everyone in the 82nd got to go with him.Joshua then proceeded with his unit to support the Marines in Operation Steel Curtain, on the Syrian border. There were seven member squads of 101st Airborne (Paratroopers), Marines, and Joshua’s squad from the 82nd. The 82nd and Marine squads came under fire from the terrorists. During the fight, the 101st started firing on Joshua’s squad and the Marines. They thought they were engaging terrorists. “Tom”, with the 82nd was hit in the leg by the 101st. Joshua and his squad leader ran 200 meters while under constant enemy fire to the right of the terrorists and got behind a light pole to draw fire away from the two squads, while killing three terrorists, so they could retreat. Then the 101st realized what had happened and took out the appropriate target, killing the remaining terrorists. Joshua called me and said, “Dad, I thought I was going to be killed today, but God had other plans.” Joshua was awarded the Bronze Star with Valor. “Tom”, with the 82nd was shipped to Kuwait for treatment for the rifle wounds he received. Lucky for “Tom” it was a clean wound causing no damage. “Tom” rejoined Joshua and his unit 4 weeks later.Joshua’s unit and the Marines then went to Ramadi, Iraq for a support mission. While on lookout, they spotted a motor boat crossing the river. ... Josh was told to try to hit the boat with a 50-caliber machine gun. Josh fired one burst, which sank the boat, and they captured the surviving terrorist. Two terrorists were killed from the explosion of the motor boat. Later, Joshua and his unit were on foot patrol when they came under fire from out of a house. Joshua was told to toss in a grenade. The terrorists sent out two kids around eight years old with the grenade. The kids were blown up by that grenade, which Joshua still cannot deal with. The remaining terrorists were killed.“Tom” rejoins the unit on November 18, 2005. The 82nd only has two more missions and they can return home. On November 20, 2005 at 1100 hours, they were on foot patrol in the outskirts of Ramadi. They spot what they thought were terrorists and began pursuit on foot. Then the terrorist turned around and set off an IED, or improvised explosive device. Joshua saw the red detonator and yelled before it went off blowing Josh 20 yards away and injuring “Tom”, who had just rejoined the unit two days before.I received the call by satellite phone from Joshua’s squad leader so Joshua could tell me goodbye. Joshua said, “Dad, I’m sorry, but I’ve been hit bad and they don’t think I’m gonna make it.” Joshua’s buddy tied on a tourniquet above his knee to stop the bleeding. Skin and the knee braces, that all paratroopers wear, were holding on his leg. The chopper was there within two minutes carrying doctors and medics. They started giving him blood transfusions and got the bleeding stopped on the way back to Baghdad.I received a call saying he was being sent to Landstuhl, Germany for further treatment. On November 23, 2005, I got a call saying Joshua was being shipped to Walter Reed Army Medical Center. I arrived here on November 24th, the same day Joshua did. The doctor in ER wanted to amputate his leg at that point, but it would have been an amputation just below the hip. Joshua said no, so the doctor called in another surgeon, who was on leave. Major Tis, the BEST surgeon in the country in our eyes, told Joshua that he would personally take his case up with Captain Mack and Captain Hagelson, but it was going to be a long hard road ahead. Joshua and I agreed with Major Tis.On the way to his first surgery on November 24th, the Red Cross gave Joshua a card. Josh thanked them for the card and opened it the next day. The card said, “Have a great time in the war and have a great time dieing in the war.” Joshua hung the card on the wall of his hospital room as an incentive to get well so he could go back to Iraq and finish the job.Brian Kilmeade from Fox News and Colonel Oliver North came by the hospital just before Christmas and saw the card. They were appalled that someone would send such a card. The story made the news on Fox and Friends. Sean Hannity was made aware of the card and interviewed Joshua on his radio show.On December 10, 2005, I became unemployed because of the time I would have to be with my son, which is the same day Joshua had a sixteen-hour surgery and the same day he was awarded the Purple Heart. Joshua was also awarded the Silver Star, and will receive it when he travels to Fort Bragg at the beginning of June.From November 20, 2005 through January 15, 2006, Joshua had over 23 surgeries on his right leg while being treated for depression. He has had 31 surgeries to date. Joshua was discharged from the hospital on February 4, 2006 and began physical therapy. Both bones on his lower right leg were completely gone as well as his calf muscle and nerves. They removed the muscle from his stomach and placed it just below his knee. They did skin graphs from his left leg and hip to put on his right leg and used a new drug hormone that promotes new bone growth.Joshua suffered other injuries from the explosion as well. He has a blown eardrum, cracked teeth with cavities blown out and shrapnel wounds inside his mouth and all over his body.In March, Joshua and I were finally able to go home to see our family and friends for the first time in nearly four months. Upon our return to Walter Reed, Joshua informed his great Doctors that he could not get the pain out of his right foot, which was not damaged. They x-rayed his leg and foot. The bone in his leg is now about the size of a spaghetti noodle. The extensive damage done to the nerves in the leg was so severe that the foot was trying to tell the brain that everything was okay, but there are no nerves left in the leg to relay the message, so the foot believes it is damaged. Upon further testing they discovered that Joshua has no feeling in his lower right leg. The good news is in nine to ten months, Joshua’s bones, just below the transplanted stomach muscle, will be large enough to support a below the knee amputation. This news came to us about two weeks ago. Joshua is still on five different narcotics for pain and two anti-depressants, along with others for bone growth.That brings me to the part where you, “John”, helped us. Joshua had booked a flight to go home for another convalescent leave on SPIRIT Airlines. We told them we would need a wheelchair and assistance with security because he was a wounded paratrooper confined to a wheel chair. They told us that would not be a problem. We normally use Northwest and they are great, but SPIRIT was $35.00 less so we booked with SPIRIT. I cannot fly with Joshua, because when he is home we need a car to go back and forth to the hospital and to dental and ortho appointments. I always send him first then I drive back to Michigan. This is when the incident occurred that precipitated our meeting with you, “John”. You are a great American and a great representative for your company.We arrived at the airport at 4:30 pm for a 5:10 flight. When we arrived there was no wheel chair, no one at the SPIRIT counter and no security. I looked for a SPIRIT employee for ten minutes. Joshua said, “Dad I’m going to miss my flight, just get me to the gate and they can help us there.” Northwest gave us a wheel chair, but we still had no security. Security would not let us through because we had no boarding pass. We informed them that SPIRIT had our boarding pass and asked that he please let us go to the gate with him and he could verify it, or get someone from SPIRIT and they could give it to him. The security guard said, “You are no different than any other passenger with no boarding pass - no go.”My son started to cry uncontrollably and told the guard to go to hell. Another lady spoke up and said, “That’s what you get for fighting in a war we have no business in.” Madder and very emotional I asked, “Can’t you remember 9-11?” She responded that was just our excuse to be in Iraq when we should not be there and we deserved whatever we got. That is when my son really lost it. Three WWII vets were coming off flights into DC, gave my son a hug, and stood up to the lady and security guard. They stayed with my son until he flew out.In the meantime, a wonderful man who works for the Military Severely Injured Center, and assigned to the airport, was called by security. He asked what was going on. The Vets and I explained the situation and he said he would get someone from SPIRIT as soon as possible. It was now 4:50 pm and the plane leaves at 5:10. He went to the SPIRIT counter and there was still no one there. At 5:00, he found the employees in the back room at the SPIRIT counter, where they had been the entire time. He could not explain why they were not there to support their passengers. The manager came out and told us we were too late and they could not get Joshua on the flight because it was leaving in ten minutes. He also explained that it was a non-refundable ticket, but he would let us fly tomorrow evening. The head of MSIC (Military Severely Injured Center) said to give us a voucher on another airline and get the Soldier out tonight. The SPIRIT manager said they do not do vouchers for other airlines. I then suggested they give us a refund so we can get a ticket on another airline…he said, “NO.” The head of MSIC told them to give the Soldier a refund now or we will press charges against SPIRIT. We were then given a refund.Meanwhile, Joshua was still at security. I told him “SPIRIT would not help us, but hang tight, I’ll get you out tonight, I promise.” Joshua said, “never mind Dad, it’s not worth it. I’m going to end it tonight. I said don’t you dare do anything stupid. There are too many people who care about you and too many people have got you where you are today. Remember they thought you were going to die and you fought hard to stay alive.I went to the Northwest counter and the lady was crying because of what had happened. She told me she was already working on a ticket for Joshua. Northwest offered any passenger a free roundtrip ticket to anywhere they flew, if they would give up their seat for a soldier who was severely injured in Iraq.EIGHT businessmen came forward and said he could have their seat and no compensation was necessary. Northwest then asked if anyone would give up his or her first class seat for Joshua. A gentleman came forward and said Joshua could have his seat, saying he would sit in the toilet if need be. Other passengers remarked that Joshua could sit anywhere on the plane he wants and we will sit wherever.That is when I broke down and started to cry. Everyone on that Northwest flight began patting Joshua on the back shaking his hand and telling him what a great job he did and how proud they were of him and the other troops who serve. After helping my son board, not one person failed to tell me thanks for what my son and I have been through. Joshua made it back to Michigan and is doing extremely well. He has therapy at Port Huron Hospital and he has counseling twice a week and is doing great!Since this ordeal began, I have lost my job, Joshua and I have missed the birth of my grandson and granddaughter, my 18-year-old son’s graduation from high school and every holiday. Joshua and I feel we would go through it again if need be. My belief has always been God, Family and Country, in that order, nothing else matters.I am a proud father/grandfather of eight children and ten grandchildren. We will be home in May, to see all the family. We both will return to Walter Reed in June for follow-ups. Joshua should be able to return to the 82nd Airborne in the next 18-24 months or so.Please keep all of our troops in harms way in your thoughts and prayers. Five out of the seven paratroopers in Joshua’s unit were injured in Iraq. Three of the five are still there. Joshua just got the unlucky straw because he was injured the worst. One of the two injured Marines is already back with his unit. I say already, but it has been over 5 months. Thank God, neither unit lost any lives!Thanks again “John”, for your kind heart and your uplifting spirit. If any one wants to send a card or anything, please address it to me so I can screen it first.God bless you and may God continue to bless America. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Josh, Mike and "John" - THANK YOU!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

24 Season Finale: DOH!

Well, well, as you could deduce. Jack Bauer saved the day. He killed Ivan The Terrible and his Russkies before they could have The Red October fire its missiles. Jack snapped Ivan's neck in a cool fashion, reminiscient of Season 2. Jack is left with Henderson, who had helped Jack stop the missiles, but Roboslug had second thoughts and tries to kill Jack. Jack looks at Roboslug, who fired an empty pistol, and yells, "Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya, you kill my father, prepare to die! Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya, you kill my father, prepare to die!" Jack shoots Roboslug, and he gasps. Jack kicks him into LA Harbor and the Navy and other nameless feds arrive. Oddly enough, none of them get killed in Redshirt fashion.

Back at CTU, Chigster and Frau Blucher are talking to Jack, and try to disuade him from going after Logan. Logan uses his callnotes and talks to Chloe and sets up a scheme to nail Logan. Get him to talk, and make sure someone is recording it. Chloe agrees, unbeknowest to Chiggy and Frau Blucher (neighs).

At Brokedick Mountain, President Limpdick and Dick Cheney Clone are happy that the Russians and Henderson are deadski. However, Limpdick is still acting odd and has Cheney leave the room as he gets another call. Cheney looks at him, muttering- Geesh, can't those 1-900 chicks just wait? Isn't this why you have a wife? Perv. So LD is on the phone with Dr. Evil and Mini Me, and Evil tells him to make sure Jack Frickin Bauer is dead. Limpdick agrees, and then dials 1-900-BANGINSHEEP.

Out in the Parking Lot for the Retreat, Red is sitting by the Lincoln with agent Tattletale's flie collecting body. Mary Todd is patting his bald head, and now amazingly healed and bloodless Pierce is happy. Cheney comes out and demands to know why Aaron is sitting by a Soprano victim. Red says, That Badass Woman, Foxy shot his ass. Cheney nods, and they all talk on how to get Logan to admit to treason.

Jack is on the road and he calls Cheney and Red. They agree to help, as he interrupts them burying Tattletale out in the weeds. Jack is 20 minutes from the retreat. How the hell is he 20 minutes from anywhere? It's LA! Spread out roads, construction, martial law, cops.... How does Jack miss all of that stuff?


Red meets Jack and he and Jack head to a shed where the Secret Service get their guns, vests, and initiate new agents with a game of pink belly. Jack is advised that Limpdick will fly in a Navy Chopper, not Marine One, due to security concerns. Limpdick is flying back to DC, accompanying David Palmer's body for a national funeral.

Jack needs Limp to be delayed. Martha has an idea. She distracts Limpdick by pulling a Dixie Chicks, taking back an insult in a false tone. Martha then starts to get frisky. Limpdick gets a call and is reminded, "Uh, sir, your chopper leaves in 5 minutes." "Hey, I'm the President, I'll take my damned time! Frickin Cialis, work faster! Work, damn you! Or no more magazine time!" "Sir, you didn't hang up properly." "Shut up!" So Logan and Martha get it on, as Marvin Gaye and Barry White Music blast in the President's Bedroom. Modifications that Clinton suggested.

Back at CTU, Chloe is helping Jack and has to enlist her ex husband, who looks way to much like Bob Hoskins. He's a smartass, but he helps, only after hitting on Scary Shari The Sexual Harrassment chick.

Jack has an agent call the Navy copilot and summons him into the room. The pilot picks up a phone. "Hello?" "Hey, dude, your fly's open!" Jack shouts. "Really?" Jack gets him in a sleeper hold and the pilot goes night night. Red moves this guy into a lock, and Jack takes his gear and gets into Limpdick's chopper. They take off and things get interesting.

Jack tazes the agents, yells at the pilot, "Hey, fly on this path! And if you ask me if I like gladiator movies, I will beat your ass like that airline pilot!" So, Jack, cuffs Limpdick and they land at a conveniently vacated factory. At the factory, Bob Hoskins meets Jack and hands him some digital stuff and devices so Chloe can tape the confession. Bob leaves. Jack searches Limp, takes out his pen, keys, condom, etc..... Jack interrogates Limpdick, who tapdances around everything. Jack is about to cap Limp, but remembers this is The President and cannot break his oath. Jack lowers the gun and is jumped by a SWAT Team (SWAT music plays loud).

Back at CTU, Chloe is trying to get Jack to make Limp confess, it doesn't happen.

However, at an airfield, Limp lands on his helo, with the deshevelled and tazed agents. He steps out, looking confident. MArtha is still revolted at giving nookie to Limp, and is shuddering at the thought of what she did, after finding out Jack did not get Limp to confess. So, Martha, pulls a Dixie Chicks and gets to insulting again. Limp takes her into a cleared hanger, slaps her, and more or less spills the beans to her. She relents and they walk back out, clothes back to normal to see off Palmer's casket.

On the podium, Limp is giving a speach, as Chloe gets a recording of the confession to Martha, and sends it to Alberto Gonzales. He has Sam Gerard the US Marshal, tap Secret Service on the shoulder and order Limp arrested, after the speech. They wait til he's done and subtley take him off the podium and he's ushered towards a limo. Limp is defiant, until an agent takes a pen out and takes out a device. Limp now remembers Jack searched him. Dammit, he planted a bug on me! Limp is taken away, and Martha and Cheney are smiling. And we know Red is grinning somewhere away from LA.

Jack is still at the factory. And CTU sends Audrey there. She arrives, hugs Jack, and tells him Limp is now arrested and will step down as President. Jack is told, by an Asian FBI guy, "You've got a phone call. It's your daughter sir." Jack takes it, after petting Audrey and giving her a hug. Jack goes into a dark and cleared room, and answers, "Hello?" Jack is then jumped by Ninjas who beat him unconscious and haul him to a Chinese dry cleaners. Audrey is waiting on Jack, as he recalls, "Frickin Irony! I got a pilot this way, and now I get the same thing done to me! Scheisse!"

Back at CTU, Blucher and Chigs are making googoo eyes and Chigs asks her to dinner. You hear Marvin Gaye playing in the background and they walk off. Before Chigs is gone, he hands Chloe a picture of her and Edgar. Chloe about cries. Bob Hoskins walks over and asks, "Hey, who is that guy? Friend of yours?" 'Yeah, that was Truffle shuffle, he died today.' "I'm sorry, wanna go do some shagging to console your grief?" 'Yeaaaah, baby.' And they walk off. But no one is asking, WHERE THE HELL DID JACK GO?

Somewhere, Jack is being beat by the Ninja squad, and we see the Chinese SIS guy from last year gloat over finding Jack. He reminds Jack, "Hehe, we caught you. Thought you'd cause us to shoot our own consul for hiding a terrorist and think we'd just let you off! Remember this old Chinese Proverb by Elel Koo Jae.- Mama said knock you out, I'm gonna knock you out. Jack spits up blood, and says- "Go ahead, kill me you pussy! My daughter won't talk me and is off with Doctor Phil. My girlfriend thinks I up and left again! Her dad is pissed about the car and cliff thing! My friends are gone! Go ahead, do your worst!" Chow Yun Fat, the SIS guy then says, "You're more valuable to us, whitey! No you'll serve us rice and spare ribs! And it's not flied lice! We've seen that Mel Gibson movie! Frickin American! You won't get out, ever!" Jack then gives a glance that says this.....

Next season, I'm getting out of China, I'm gonna go Bruce Lee and Jet Li on all your asses, and somehow stop another major attack on my country! Take that Chuck Norris, you pussy! Missing In Action can lick my left one! I'll get out in a worse manner!

But Jack has to rest, and the boat his on, is awfully slow on it's way to China.

We haven't heard the last of Jack Bauer......

To be continued, January 2007.

Friday, May 19, 2006

It's Official, Speak English

Well, despite the usual whining by Nevada Senator and Democrat Majority Leader Harry Reid (whoring for Spanish votes), the measure to make English the official language passed 63-34 (which means a few Democrats saw the light).

And believe it or not, Harry, when this country was founded it was by English speakers. You go to England, you learn the language. There's no bilingual signs in England, Australia, or New Zealand. Why? Are they racist also, Harry? Nope. Just deal with the fact you can't keep people ignorant forever. If some of the folks learn English, they may learn, you're full of it. Enjoy the elections Harry.

Question: How is enforcing your own language in your own country racist?

Don't Europeans get pissed when we don't know, say, German or Russian? Isn't it more rude than to not even try and learn the language of your new home? Sorry Harry, your racism comment won't hold water. There's white folks, Asians, Latinos, indigenous South Americans, Africans, and others who don't speak English, you moron. We're asking they learn English. Otherwise, you get to figure out where more money can be obtained to make bi and multilingual street signs, traffic signs, construction warning signs, textbooks, tax forms, etc......


Once upon a time in the 1930s, Germany chose a totalitarian leader. He was an extremist in his younger days, and stayed one. He got the rich to back him and won his country's election. That leader then targeted not just his political opponents, but those opposite him whom he personally despised. They wore their yellow stars, marking them for death and making it easier for the scum of the earth to hand them over to the Storm Troopers. They passed laws voiding the Jews as citizens. They moved them, then they killed many of them. Everyone thought that after Adolf Hitler died in Der Bunker, that the slaughter of the Jews and persecution of others would end. It did not.

Check out Iran.

Their President wants Jews and Christians in Iran to wear special badges. Gotta wonder when he'll propose resettlement in The East for them.

Interestingly enough, this story was a fraud. There's no documentation of persecution like this. However, what else may be going on behind the scenes? Anyone ever talk to a happy Jew or Christian living in Mullahworld?

Hitler declared that the Jews must be wiped from the earth for all time. The Iranian President declares Israel and every Jew to die also.

Hitler pursued a military and went unchallenged. Iran is doing the same.

If you can't see the parallels by now, there's no use explaining it. War may be eminent. God Help us if we wait too long in standing up to these new Brownshirts.

"When the Nazis came for socialists, I did not speak up, as I was not a socialist. When they came for trade unionists I said nothing for I was not a trade unionist. When they came for the Jews, I was silent, not being a Jew. When they came for me, there was no one left to protest." Dr. Martin Niemoller, German Minister interned in Dachau concentration camp, 1938-1945.

Will anyone be left to stop these new tyrants?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

24 Summary

At CTU Miles, Frau Blucher (neighs), Chigster, Jack, and a couple of unknowns are getting the Jerky Boys recording ready for Attorney General Ashcroft to hear. When Chloe plays it, it has more dead air than Ashlee Simpson trying to make an original song to a live audience. Jack yells at Chloe, and Chloe goes into Napoleon Dynamite mode- "It wasn't my flippin fault, GOSH! Idiot! It was that decroded piece of crap, Miles! He used his decoder ring to kill the recording!"

Jack instinctively goes over to Miles, who is packing his bags, not just fudge. DHS Dick is worried, as he sees the Ass Beatin that's walking his way. So, a no-name White Shirt, says halt and Jack gives him the thumb to the chest, felling him like a sock monkey. Jack then yells- "Do you know how many people died getting this recording?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE? Wanna guess how far I shove that guard's baton up your ass?" DHS Dick, still kicking Truffle Shuffle's fly covered corpse, retorts, "Ooo, how far? Wait, I don't care! I'm working as the new White House Intern at Brokedick Mountain so there!" Frau Blucher comes over and slaps DHS Dick, like the bitch that he is. He cries and shuffles off.

Frau Blucher and Chiggy get a call from Limpdick Nixon, who says, hand me my sacrificial lamb, I mean let Jack Bauer go. Blucher (neigh) thinks it's a trap and Jack is still wondering about the recording. So, he instinctively remembers, Roboslug and goes to beat a confession out of him. However, Frau Blucher gets a second phone call that Ivan The Terrible has escaped, again. One nameless agent, shot in the shoulder, calls it in and says, "Listen, I'm very badly hurt, some please send me an ambul...." as he's disconnected.

At the Fuhrerbunker, Mary Todd is about to take her whole bottle of meds with a large bottle of Stoli, then remembers if she dies President Limpdick will get more sympathy. She tosses the pills, cranks up Free Bird and yells, "FORREST!!!!!" We hear an echo, "Jenny!" So Mary Todd gives Red's cell phone to an agent to get it back to him. Agent No-name nods and gots to a back room, where Red is tied up. Limpdick comes in, to talk to him, and Red spits on his tie. Limp now has agent Jackoff get a car, shovel, and quicklime. Red is now marked for death, because Agent Tattletail says Red is more loyal to Palmer than the good Ole USA. 'No one ever calls me Charles, and gets away with it!' Limpdick thinks. He gets a call from Dr. Evil and Mini Me who ask on an update. Limpdick then says he's got Red taken care of. Or so he thinks.....

Jack Bauer is back at CTU, and is told to give Roboslug a deal. Torture didn't work, ask Tony and agent No-name and his sodium pentathol. Jack gives slug a deal and tells him to disappear, only after Logan is sent to Oz. However, Slug brings up a good point that Charles Logan is no mastermind, how did he think this up? He claimed to invent the internet, the freak. He couldn't spell Internet. Jack agrees with an Oooooo, low blow. Slug says, it's a Mastermind, cue to Dr Evil and Mini Me and their matching cats, laughing maniacally.

Jack, Token and Slug go to talk to an Arms Dealer, Born in East LA. So they act like they're sending Slug to help Cheech with an arms deal. Before going Audrey protests, "they hurt my daddy! He made me bleed! You're NOT gonna let him go!" 'Yes I will, I have to.' "Fine, then you can never see these again," as Audrey points to her chest. Jack gives him the angry look for risking of nookie loss, and kicks Slug into a CTU van. They go to Cheech's and Cheech offers Slug a roach and he declines.

Now, Ivan The Terrible is driving to an area, with a final jug of the Texmex Gas. He bought it from Cheech and is ready for one last hurrah of terrorism.

Back at CTU Chigster and Frau Blucher (neighs), and Chloe are working to get into Cheech's files, but Chloe finds a fantastic firewall from hell, and says it must be let down, by Cheech himself, otherwise it's a worm that will get THEIR computers, not Cheech's. Chigs and Frau just nod in confusion and tell Jack the news.

Jack is ontop a roof, with his Man Purse, and lots of ammo.

Back at Brokedick Mountain, Agent Tattletail pulls a Lincoln to a door, and precedes to haul Red out, kicking him in the back of his knees. Before he can cap Red, he notices Mary Todd taking a puff. He's about to shoot her, when Red sees Tattle about to shoot his woman. Red goes off and beats him, but is pistolwhipped. Just before Tattle can clip Red, Mary Todd goes Annie Oakley on his ass, shooting him ala Sonny Corleone.

Back at Cheech's East LA area, Slug starts telling Cheech to delete stuff, gives up CTU and then Jack, Token and the other Redshirts run in, shooting. They wound Cheech, and kick his joint away which is worse than death. Token's been shot, but he's not crying or hurt, he's just pissed. Jack preceeds to tear Slug a new one, when Slug says, firewall is down, hack now or lose it forever!

CTU gets info, and they find out The Red October is docked in LA Harbor. Not at a naval yard, but at the Plothole Port Authority Area. Ivan knows this and preceeds to use the last Texmex gas can and take over the sub, kicking tons of dead bodies out. The sub has non-nuclear missiles, but they are powerful enough to take out Downtown LA with one missile, not to mention other areas. Why is that sub here, again? Oh yeah, Limpdick made the treaty with Boris Badanov.

What happens next week?

Lots of dead bodies,
big blasts,
Jack shooting Logan or slapping him on TV,
Audrey confessing her feelings for Jack.
DHS Dick rooming with Adebisi.

Who knows.....

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Little known facts on Jack Bauer

In honor of Jack Bauer Appreciation Day, we felt it was high time that everyone learned a bit more about the man entrusted to safeguard our national security:

When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down.

Jack Bauer auditioned for the part of Clemenza in The Godfather, but lost the role when he kept taking the gun and leaving the cannoli.

Tired of the incessant whining and complaining, Jack Bauer found the dogs and let them right back in.

Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.

After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. and my back is killing me."

Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.

Concerned that his dog would break under interrogation, Jack Bauer snapped his neck and
turned him into the bag which he still carries to this day.

Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.

Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth.

The only thing elephants used to fear was mice. Until they hurt one of Jack Bauer's friends.

If Jack Bauer crawls out of a ventilation shaft on February 2nd and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.

Jack Bauer's nickname for Chuck Norris is "Aloysius Q. Vagina-Muffin".

Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.

Jack Bauer actually wrote an episode of Three's Company in which there was no misunderstanding in the plot.

On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.

Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.

Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Jack Bauer.

GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.

When life gives Jack Bauer lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

... from


Over the weekend, I watched the movie Evolution, in which President Logan gets dragged into a water hazard by a horrible alien prehistoric creature to his death. I don't know why I bring that up, except that maybe the alien prehistoric creature could show up for a Point/Counterpoint.

03:00:00 to 03:12:03

"I Want Every Light We've Got Poured onto that runway." Jack is still on a plane, posed to swat the co-pilot, Roger Murdock, with his man-purse if he does anthing other than land the plane. Frau Blucher calls up Token and orders him to go the airport to pick up Jack. "What am I, your damned chauffeur?"S4GF is in the CTU infirmary, next to the bodies of Edgar and Sam Gamgee, who are beginning to get a little gamey. But there is good news. In addition to having saved a bundle on car insurance, she learns that her father, Bo and/or Luke Hellfeld, apparently survived the crash into the ocean. Apparently, his helmet hair cushioned the impact.

President Weasel considers what to do, with Jack about to land with the recording that shows he was in on David Palmer's assassination. It will cause a major scandal that will destroy his presidency. Dick Morris advises him to just "Stick it out and Stonewall! Stonewall! Stonewall!" But then Weasel gets a call from Leonard Betts (the evil earphone guy {obscure reference to end all obscure references), who has a plan. Leonard Betts: "We will get the plane to transmit a VCI signal." 'President Weasel: 'The VCI signal? What is it?" Leonard Betts: "It's a signal that the plane's been hijacked by terrorists, but that's not important right now."He goes on to explain that if the plane transmits a VCI signal, the military is required to shoot it down. So, most airlines are really careful about making sure they don' turn on accidentally. Except at AmericaWest, where they just don't give a damn.

Chiggy Killer and Frau Blucher make the mistake of talking in front of Brick Tamlin (a.k.a HLS Dick, a.k.a. Snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git). Who escalates from "Whiny and Annoying" to full-on Al Franken mode. She has to promise to explain to him later why she's decided to work with the guy she just had arrested. And he goes off to chew on the drywall until he is needed again.

Dick Cheney reports that the FAA has picked up a "VCI Distress Signal." Weasel plays dumb. ''The VCI signal what is it?" "It's a signal that the plane's been hijacked by terrorists, but that's not important right now."Admiral Itchy-Trigger-Finger rings up the president. "Hey, can we shoot down that plane?"Cheney: "Mr President, that wouldn't make any sense."Weasel: "Agreed. Burn that mother."

Frau Blucher gets the word and alerts Jack. Jack gets an idea. "Let's land on a freeway. I've always wanted to do that." Leslie Nielsen opens the cockpit door, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you." 03:16:13 to 03:23:35Chloe returns to CTU under heavy guard. Frau Blucher explains that they need Chloe to talk to Jack and warn him that there's an F/A-18 ready to unload a Sidewinder on his ass. They communicate this intel to Jack while Chloe tries to hack into the F/-18 and reprogram its missile to blow up John Lithgow.

Jack runs back into the cabin and grabs the lead flight attendant. "We need to make an emergency landing.""Emergency landing, what is it?""You're the damned stewardess, figure it out." He returns to the cockpit, where Chiggy calls him on the phone. Chiggy: "Hey, we found a stretch of freeway that's almost long enough." Jack takes out his space-folding device. "I'll make it long enough." Chloe discovers the F/A-18 is on their tail like Andrew Sullivan on a cub scout.

Jack tells Roger Murdock into a steep dive. Murdock insists the plane can't handle it. Jack hits him with his man-purse, then handcuffs him to the yoke. "We're putting down on that freeway." Leslie Nielsen opens the cockpit door, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you." "The aircraft is in a landing profile. We can't shoot it down now," says Admiral Itchy-Trigger-Finger. Weasel reluctantly orders them to abort. The plane hits the freeway and skids to a stop just short of an overpass. Leslie Nielsen opens the cockpit door, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you." Jack coolly orders everybody out the back of the plane, then sneaks out a side-door. He calls Token and they agree to meet under the overpass by moonlight. Sounds like one of Edgar's "dates."

03:27:43 to 03:36:12

Jack hides in the bushes, waiting for a large black man to come along and invite him into his car; again, not unlike one of Edgar's "dates." He spots Token's car and and then runs across the freeway to Token, still clutching his man-purse. Upon entering his car, they transform from Jack and Token into the crimefighting duo of Bacardi and Cola. As they try to flee, their exit is blocked by a company of Marines. A man in uniform approaches Cola's car and points a gun at him. Being a black driver in Los Angeles, Cola is used to this. Cola sweet-talks his way past the Marine patrols by daring him to shoot him. The Man backs down. Cola drives off giving the Black Power salute.

Sniveling Little Rat-Faced Git calls Frau Blucher and threatens to hold his breath until he passes out unless she tells him what's going on. "I don't deserve this," he whines like the crybaby little girl he is. She agrees to talk to him. She tells him about Jack Bauer and the recording. "You're covertly helping Bauer? I thought you loved me best." Frau Blucher pinches him behind the ear to try and keep him docile and submissive.

Then she goes out to formalize the transfer of Comrade HATO (Remember him) to Federal custody. He is walked out of CTU by a whole squad of DHS Security, and exchanges knowing winks with one of them, which no one else in the security detachment notices. Nice to see that the DHS takeover hasn't affected CTU security standards.

03:40:24 to 03:47:43

"Where's the guy who looks like Dick Cheney?" Weasel demands. Like Radar O'Reilly, Dick Cheney immediately appears at his side. "Bauer seems to have escaped the perimeter," he reports. Weasel gets a weird look on his face. "Jack Bauer is a bad man. I'm wishing him into the corn!" But that doesn't work. Cheney leaves. And the phone rigs. And Weasel lets it ring and ring. He looks very sad. Jack passes the recording to the only person he can trust, namely Chloe.

Meanwhile, S4GF is trying to reach her dad in ICU, when Jack walks in an her eyes light up like a thousand dollar shopping spree, "Oh, Jack, you're back and my fathers going to live. I just know that from now on, everything's going to be all right." Jack holds her oh-so-tenderly. "President Weasel is going to pay for Davd Palmer's assassination... and this is one bill he can't put on his Discover card."

Meanwhle, Weasel takes a box from the shelf, and gives a call to Leonard Betts. Betts tells him, "A trial would be bad for the country. It would be like OJ times 911 times 36,000,000. You know what you have to do." Weasel takes a gun from the box.

03:51:53 to 3:59:59

Weasel drops in on Mary Todd Weasel, all bundled up and laying on the couch, watching infomercials and snarfing Haagen-Daaz. "Can I come in?"Mary Todd is still Chloeing. "Now, you want to talk? Is there something else you want to confess?"Weasel channels Phil Donahue. "I can live with gassing a bunch of people, framing Jack Bauer, almost getting you and the Russian president killed, and almost shooting down a plane full of innocent people... but I'm really sorry about hurting you." Mary Todd offers him little comfort. "Well, on the plus side, Jimmy Carter must be glad that he's no longer the Worst President Ever."

Weasel goes back to his study, takes out the gun and a bottle of JD, and is about to finish himself off when the phone rings. "Damn phone always rings when you're about to do something..." To no one's surprise, it's snivelling Little Rat-Faced Git. "Jack Bauer has just brought a recording here to play for the Attorney-General. I am prepared to intervene." "Let me know how it works out." Weasel puts the gun away and pours himself another Scotch. "Thank God, there's always someone who's a bigger rodent thn you."

Sniveling Little Rat-Faced Git goes to the conference room where Chloe is working on authenticating the recording. He emits a piercing, whining noise ... no, wait, that;s just his natural voice ... that keeps her distracted while he holds a tiny blinking Cylon next to the recording. When she plays it for the Attorney-General, all he'll hear is the Theme from 'Gilligan's Island.'

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

There's Just Some Folks That Need Some Killin

And they won't get their just desserts, not yet anyway.....

Well, well, we ought to have seen this coming. Death verdicts are usually quick. Zaccharias Moussoui must have touched a few hearts. Well, I hope those stupid jurors can live with themselves, if this F-wad ever escapes prison and reaks more havoc on us.

Moussoui gets life....

Now whom can we thank for this little miscarriage of justice?
Zac's lawyers of course.
But let's not forget the PC BS movement.
These pacifist so-called better Christian than you types.
The fearful of a terrorist backlash types.
The cowards
The mooselimb lobbyists,

and let us not forget the dimbulbs on the bench, sorry, the Judges.

Good luck America..... Better hope God's wrath is quick for this pondscum.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

24 Summary: AIRPLANE!

Here's my summary from last night......

Jack is crawling around the belly of the plane like a stowaway, hoping the luggage compartment was pressurized.

Back on the ground, Chiggy Killer sends Chloe to the Holiday Inn to go hide out, on the tip of Frau Blucher (neighs). Chloe heads out and perches at the bar to help Jack and Blucher find out why President Limpdick Nixon is acting so odd.

Meanwhile Chiggy's house is tossed by The Ladies Man, trust me the DHS clone looked like Tim Meadows or that other monotoned black cop in Beverly Hills Cop. Chiggy says- Man you sound white, put some voice in it. "Look here man, we gotta toss yo pad in cause you be hidin dat hoe! That's when I say, brotha please." Chig gets cuffed and brought back to CTU.

Back at the hotel Chloe is gettin eyes from Chaz Reingold, the Wedding Crasher. Hey babe, I'm a real man, he says. You want some dinner? MA! MEATLOAF! Get some meatloaf! He yells to his ma in a hotel room. Chloe curls her eyes and goes back to hacking DHS Dick's computer.

Chloe finds out that the suspect with the recording is inside the plane, a German diplomat (cue Wagner music). Not ze Germans, zey're usually so nice, ask ze Polish.... Jack crawls into the plane and finds out where an air marshal is sitting. He looks at him, says hi. Air marshal grumbles. Jack goes, by the way, you look one of the dudes from Law and Order. Marshal goes, really? Jack punches him and props his unconscious self against the pillow. Nap time. Jack's getting better, he used to tell the story of how he and Elaine were in the peace corps and how he lost his war buddy George Zipp, but his stories led to suicides on the flight. How odd.

Back at Brokeback Mountain, Martha is calling Cheney twin for some cuddlin time. Cheney Clone says, "As hot as you are, no. Crazy and hot do not mix, look at the Shari chick at CTU, wooo what a skeez." Martha must have a thing for bald guys......

Meanwhile Limpdick is in his office, talking to Dr. Evil and the syndicate. Dr. Evil, aka Romano, aka Emil from Robocop, is saying, "Can't you do a frickin job right? I mean all I ask is for one simple task, and that is to have sharks with frickin lazer beams attached to their heads! And you know what happens when I get angry! I'll talk to you later, Number Two." Limpdick is stunned, he'd never been talked down to so bad since his wife blew up at him.

Back on AIRPLANE, Captain Over and Co-pilot Dunn are flying the plane that Jack is on. Over is gruff, Dunn is a new replacement and Otto Pilot, well, he's taking a leak. Stewardess Elaine says, excuse me Captain, we have a couple of passengers missing. Jack just abducted Rolf and put him in the luggage hold. Captain Dunn decides, lets depressurize this bitch. The plane, Elaine, gosh stop getting private life and pilot life confused. Sicko.

Martha is now taking excessive meds and apparently trying to go like Marilyn Monroe did. Taking meds with a nice Chianti (slurping noises ala Anthony Hopkins), very classy.

Back at CTU, Chiggy is brought in and DHS Dick is all gloats, til Chiggs tells him- I don't have to answer your questions, you ass kiss. Blucher protests and takes Chiggs in for "private questioning." DHS Dick, still kicking Edgar's body, now with flies, calls Cheney Clone to tattle that he didn't get to "break in" Chiggs. Cheney answers, "Let Blucher do it. Come on Miles, you're DHS, surely you can find some illicit sites to take your mind off your lost love. Bet you wish you could quit him, Sheep Boy. Bye."

As the plane is leaking air from depressurization, Jack coincidentally finds the rudder controls, inside the luggage area, what a stroke of luck. So he plays with the cords and makes the plane loop, then the Dancing Frog comes out and does his number.

Bauer is yelling at Captain Over, Hey let me find the Jerky Boys recording or your plane's gonna do more spins than Dorothy Hamil on crack! Over relents, so Elaine lets Jack into the plane. People panic, and Jack yells- Get ahold of yourself! SLAP! Next guy, Dammit, get ahold of yourself! SLAP. And so the line forms, pipes, guns and gloves.

Limpdick and Cheney Clone find out Jack is on AIRPLANE! and decide to act. Limpdick tells Blucher to have the plane land. Chiggy is silent and is pissed. I got replaced by Dickhead so this could happen? Good call, Ass.

Chloe is back at the bar, and getting sick of Chazz Reingold's advances, zaps him with a tazer. There's your meatloaf there, pal. She finds out the person is not Rolf, but the co-pilot Dunn. Dunn gets nervous, as Captain Over says, well you take the controls I'm gonna see what happens. He talks into his set, "Jack, do you like movies with gladiators in them?" Dunn sees Over reach for a maglite and punches him. Jack pops in, right as Otto inflates into the pilot seat so Jack and Dunn fight it out.

Meanwhile, Martha is taking pills and starts rockin out to Janis Joplin. Limpdick to Sympathy to the Devil, and Chloe to thunderstruck.

No bodycount, no sign of Wayne Palmer, Bierko, Red Foreman, Secretary Thumbs, Cola, or Audrey Albino. This episode blew worse than Paris Hilton on a..... well, let's leave it there..