Little known facts on Jack Bauer
In honor of Jack Bauer Appreciation Day, we felt it was high time that everyone learned a bit more about the man entrusted to safeguard our national security:
When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down.
Jack Bauer auditioned for the part of Clemenza in The Godfather, but lost the role when he kept taking the gun and leaving the cannoli.
Tired of the incessant whining and complaining, Jack Bauer found the dogs and let them right back in.
Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.
After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. and my back is killing me."
Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.
Concerned that his dog would break under interrogation, Jack Bauer snapped his neck and
turned him into the bag which he still carries to this day.
Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth.
The only thing elephants used to fear was mice. Until they hurt one of Jack Bauer's friends.
If Jack Bauer crawls out of a ventilation shaft on February 2nd and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.
Jack Bauer's nickname for Chuck Norris is "Aloysius Q. Vagina-Muffin".
Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.
Jack Bauer actually wrote an episode of Three's Company in which there was no misunderstanding in the plot.
On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.
Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.
Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Jack Bauer.
GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.
When life gives Jack Bauer lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
... from http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php
When in Jack Bauer's presence, Chuck Norris urinates sitting down.
Jack Bauer auditioned for the part of Clemenza in The Godfather, but lost the role when he kept taking the gun and leaving the cannoli.
Tired of the incessant whining and complaining, Jack Bauer found the dogs and let them right back in.
Jack Bauer's saliva is bullet-proof.
After receiving repeated roundhouse kicks to the head from Chuck Norris, Jack Bauer was heard to ask,"Can you go a bit lower? I was crammed in an air conditioning duct between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. and my back is killing me."
Jack Bauer can eat five times his body weight in terrorists.
Concerned that his dog would break under interrogation, Jack Bauer snapped his neck and
turned him into the bag which he still carries to this day.
Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth.
The only thing elephants used to fear was mice. Until they hurt one of Jack Bauer's friends.
If Jack Bauer crawls out of a ventilation shaft on February 2nd and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.
Jack Bauer's nickname for Chuck Norris is "Aloysius Q. Vagina-Muffin".
Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.
Jack Bauer actually wrote an episode of Three's Company in which there was no misunderstanding in the plot.
On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.
Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.
Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Jack Bauer.
GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.
When life gives Jack Bauer lemons, he uses them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
... from http://www.notrly.com/jackbauer/index.php
posted by NDwalters @ 10:22 AM
2 Comments:
At 5:35 PM,
Ranando said…
Nick,
Hope all is well.
I really hate to say this but I've never seen one 24 show, not one and I'm in the business.
At 7:50 AM,
NDwalters said…
Ranando, watch it, man. Oh yeah, bought Munich yesterday....
All is busy, but I'm good.
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