Not So Young But Angry Conservatives Unite

Getting sick of the progressively worse slant and obvious bias of the media? Got booted out of other sites for offending too many liberals? Make this your home. If you SPAM here, you're gone. Trolling? Gone. Insult other posters I agree with. Gone. Get the pic. Private sanctum, private rules. No Fairness Doctrine and PC wussiness tolerated here..... ECCLESIASTES 10:2- The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

24 Summary: AIRPLANE!

Here's my summary from last night......

Jack is crawling around the belly of the plane like a stowaway, hoping the luggage compartment was pressurized.

Back on the ground, Chiggy Killer sends Chloe to the Holiday Inn to go hide out, on the tip of Frau Blucher (neighs). Chloe heads out and perches at the bar to help Jack and Blucher find out why President Limpdick Nixon is acting so odd.

Meanwhile Chiggy's house is tossed by The Ladies Man, trust me the DHS clone looked like Tim Meadows or that other monotoned black cop in Beverly Hills Cop. Chiggy says- Man you sound white, put some voice in it. "Look here man, we gotta toss yo pad in cause you be hidin dat hoe! That's when I say, brotha please." Chig gets cuffed and brought back to CTU.

Back at the hotel Chloe is gettin eyes from Chaz Reingold, the Wedding Crasher. Hey babe, I'm a real man, he says. You want some dinner? MA! MEATLOAF! Get some meatloaf! He yells to his ma in a hotel room. Chloe curls her eyes and goes back to hacking DHS Dick's computer.

Chloe finds out that the suspect with the recording is inside the plane, a German diplomat (cue Wagner music). Not ze Germans, zey're usually so nice, ask ze Polish.... Jack crawls into the plane and finds out where an air marshal is sitting. He looks at him, says hi. Air marshal grumbles. Jack goes, by the way, you look one of the dudes from Law and Order. Marshal goes, really? Jack punches him and props his unconscious self against the pillow. Nap time. Jack's getting better, he used to tell the story of how he and Elaine were in the peace corps and how he lost his war buddy George Zipp, but his stories led to suicides on the flight. How odd.

Back at Brokeback Mountain, Martha is calling Cheney twin for some cuddlin time. Cheney Clone says, "As hot as you are, no. Crazy and hot do not mix, look at the Shari chick at CTU, wooo what a skeez." Martha must have a thing for bald guys......

Meanwhile Limpdick is in his office, talking to Dr. Evil and the syndicate. Dr. Evil, aka Romano, aka Emil from Robocop, is saying, "Can't you do a frickin job right? I mean all I ask is for one simple task, and that is to have sharks with frickin lazer beams attached to their heads! And you know what happens when I get angry! I'll talk to you later, Number Two." Limpdick is stunned, he'd never been talked down to so bad since his wife blew up at him.

Back on AIRPLANE, Captain Over and Co-pilot Dunn are flying the plane that Jack is on. Over is gruff, Dunn is a new replacement and Otto Pilot, well, he's taking a leak. Stewardess Elaine says, excuse me Captain, we have a couple of passengers missing. Jack just abducted Rolf and put him in the luggage hold. Captain Dunn decides, lets depressurize this bitch. The plane, Elaine, gosh stop getting private life and pilot life confused. Sicko.

Martha is now taking excessive meds and apparently trying to go like Marilyn Monroe did. Taking meds with a nice Chianti (slurping noises ala Anthony Hopkins), very classy.

Back at CTU, Chiggy is brought in and DHS Dick is all gloats, til Chiggs tells him- I don't have to answer your questions, you ass kiss. Blucher protests and takes Chiggs in for "private questioning." DHS Dick, still kicking Edgar's body, now with flies, calls Cheney Clone to tattle that he didn't get to "break in" Chiggs. Cheney answers, "Let Blucher do it. Come on Miles, you're DHS, surely you can find some illicit sites to take your mind off your lost love. Bet you wish you could quit him, Sheep Boy. Bye."

As the plane is leaking air from depressurization, Jack coincidentally finds the rudder controls, inside the luggage area, what a stroke of luck. So he plays with the cords and makes the plane loop, then the Dancing Frog comes out and does his number.

Bauer is yelling at Captain Over, Hey let me find the Jerky Boys recording or your plane's gonna do more spins than Dorothy Hamil on crack! Over relents, so Elaine lets Jack into the plane. People panic, and Jack yells- Get ahold of yourself! SLAP! Next guy, Dammit, get ahold of yourself! SLAP. And so the line forms, pipes, guns and gloves.

Limpdick and Cheney Clone find out Jack is on AIRPLANE! and decide to act. Limpdick tells Blucher to have the plane land. Chiggy is silent and is pissed. I got replaced by Dickhead so this could happen? Good call, Ass.

Chloe is back at the bar, and getting sick of Chazz Reingold's advances, zaps him with a tazer. There's your meatloaf there, pal. She finds out the person is not Rolf, but the co-pilot Dunn. Dunn gets nervous, as Captain Over says, well you take the controls I'm gonna see what happens. He talks into his set, "Jack, do you like movies with gladiators in them?" Dunn sees Over reach for a maglite and punches him. Jack pops in, right as Otto inflates into the pilot seat so Jack and Dunn fight it out.

Meanwhile, Martha is taking pills and starts rockin out to Janis Joplin. Limpdick to Sympathy to the Devil, and Chloe to thunderstruck.

No bodycount, no sign of Wayne Palmer, Bierko, Red Foreman, Secretary Thumbs, Cola, or Audrey Albino. This episode blew worse than Paris Hilton on a..... well, let's leave it there..



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