24 UPDATE: MOTHERF.....

Well, as you suspect Jack Bauer survives the gasworks explosion. Explosions don't kill Jack, like Mongo in Blazing Saddles, they just make him madder. Bauer is towing crispy Russian Vladimir Bierko, aka Vlad The Impaler. Jack and Curtis, aka Bacardi and Cola, reunite, hug and Jack is on the phone with Chiggy Killer, aka Buchanan. Buchanan, Audrey, Chloe, and the new hot Redhead are happy. Frau Blucher and Insensitive DHS Bastard are not. They want someone to blame for their lack of work. CTU and Buchanan are it, and the Vice President gives DHS Blucher his blessing.

Meanwhile at the retreat Red and Keith Palmer are back in the house, safe and sound and bump into Martha Logan's Secretary, Rosemary Woods. Woods has the goods on what got Palmer killed, but won't give it. Her kid is kidnapped by Roboslug and she cannot give it unless she wants her kid dead. Shaft Jr. calls Jack, the perfect child savior. Hey, he's had practice saving Kim from countless boneheaded stunts.

Back at CTU Blucher and Bastard get Audrey to sign a statement blaming Chiggy for the CTU deaths and attacks today. God forbid they mention Lynn McGill or the other twits. As DHS is absorbing CTU, Chloe may lose her job. Then Jack calls and needs a satellite so he can save the kid, get Henderson and the info that got David Palmer killed. He calls Audrey, getting her to sign the statement, only if they can keep Chloe to retask a satellite.

They do it, and Jack kills lots of guys. Palmer's bro kills a guy, finally. Make a long story short Roboslug escapes, Rosemary is wounded, and the bad guys are still loose.

We think it's the Vice President, and he's going to talk to his Fuhrer, but President Limpdick Nixon is on the phone with Henderson and orders HIM to kill Bauer, and if not, will have his own military do it. It's martial law and accidents happen.

Awwwww sheeeeyit.

Now it's gettin Good.