Not So Young But Angry Conservatives Unite

Getting sick of the progressively worse slant and obvious bias of the media? Got booted out of other sites for offending too many liberals? Make this your home. If you SPAM here, you're gone. Trolling? Gone. Insult other posters I agree with. Gone. Get the pic. Private sanctum, private rules. No Fairness Doctrine and PC wussiness tolerated here..... ECCLESIASTES 10:2- The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Fred Thomspon may run for President

OK, you may be saying, another actor running for President?


Well, let's look at Fred's credentials. Fred was a practicing federal attorney for a number of years, and even questioned some of the Watergate burglars. Fred was an actor, of course, check out Law and Order, but also his roles in Die Hard 2, Hunt For Red October, No Way Out, In the Line of Fire, etc. Fred most importantly was a Senator for Tennessee. He did not stay too long. He got burned out with Congress, early, and had a family death occur. So, Fred took time off. He may come back and run for President.

Well, it may be strange, but check out the following people who were in public office......

Ronald W Reagan, 41st President of the United States
George Murphy
John Gavin
Shirley Temple Black
Clint Eastwood- Dirty Harry was mayor of Carmel.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California
Alan Autry
Sonny Bono

and a few more, I know doubt missed.

I say, why not Fred? People thought less of Reagan, and look how he went from a Goldwater (liberal labeled dark horse), to a two term President.

Never say never.

Tony Snow's cancer returns

Say what you may, agree with him or not, colon cancer is not something to joke about. Nor is it something to chuckle about when it spreads to his liver.

Whatever your faith or no faith, wish and pray the man well.....

24 Update, man is The Emperor Pissed....

In this week’s episode, we start out by learning, once again, that Fayed the terrorist is nothing but a helpless innocent Muslim who can do nothing without the help of the REAL mastermind, Gredenko the Evil White Russian Supremacist (because Muslims never committed any acts of terrorism in the entire history of the world, of course), that Gredenko himself is helpless without the assistance of an autistic brother of a security guard, that Nadia the Token Arab Chick Mole is as innocent as the day is long (because Muslims never committed any acts of terrorism in the entire history of the world, of course) and that President Allstate Jr, who was until recently in an induced coma because he’d, at best, end up as a brain-damaged vegetable if he wasn’t kept in it, wakes up like Lazarus at the very last moment to prevent the retaliatory strike against Fayed and Assad’s home country (because Muslims never committed any acts of terrorism in the entire history of the world, of course), none the worse for wear and prepared to take on the world.
I’m done.
Let somebody else do the recaps of this CAIR propaganda piece from now on, because I can’t stand watching that terrorist cock-sucking show anymore.
If they’d at least broadcast it in the original Arabic, then it’d have some novelty value.
As it is, they should tell al-Jazeera to stick to blood libels, because they suck donkey’s dick when it comes to writing TV shows.
The End.
***UPDATE:*** Oh what the Hell… Since tradewind asks so nicely in the comments, here we go. But let me warn you: There is precious little I can do to make last night’s episode sound any more retardedly absurd, even with my considerable talents, so if anything in the following makes you go “no WAY, that’s TOO much artistic license, Emperor”, chances are that I’m just quoting the script verbatim. Yes, it’s THAT ridiculous…
At the scene where Jack nailed Gredenko’s remote pilot last episode (and made a new high score on the video game he was using), Jack tells the paramedics to keep the pilot alive because he’s “the only link to Gredenko that they have.” Which, of course, causes the pilot to croak on the spot. Note to Joel Surnow: The “he’s the last lead we have” followed immediately by “oops, he snuffed it” plotline has been done to death already. Get OVER it. Of course, so has pretty much every other plot device in this whole season, but we digress…
Jack calls Bill to get an update on the nuclear fallout situation, and is told that VP Neocon, the Evil Bastard, has decided to retaliate with a tactical nuclear strike in the middle of a desert somewhere.
“He’s NUTS! It’ll start WWIII!”, Jack screams.
Sure, Jack. For one thing, that would be WWIV and, for another, we somehow don’t much think that the Chinese and the Russians would be interested in testing their M.A.D. aftermath scenarios over a few roasted camels in a tent in Buttfuckistan.
“But it’ll be seen as an act of aggression against the entire Middle East!”
Forgetting for a moment that the Arab nations aren’t exactly exemplary in their solidarity with their brothers when under attack, we have to say “so what?” What are they going to do? Bleed on us? Oh, you mean terrorism? AS IN WHAT THEY’RE ALREADY FUCKING DOING??? Notice that, by any chance?
At the terrorist hangout, tensions are running high. Yul al-Brynner is pissed off that he didn’t get a nice fireball over San Francisco, crying that “it’s all over thanks to you and your people” and threatens to shoot Gredenko.
“But you need ME to deliver the remaining two bombs”, Gredenko protests.
“WHY?”, a million viewers ask, as they wonder what’s stopping al-Brynner from setting them off himself. He’s already got the triggering device, after all, and even HE ought to be able to find a major city on his own. OK, so he’d have to stop at a gas station for a Rand-McNally, but surely he can figure THAT out without Gredenko’s help?
Of course he can’t. He’s a Muslim, and the REAL mastermind is an evil, conspicuously white Russian fanatic. Because Muslims Never Committed Any Terrorist Attacks On Their Own In The Entire History Of Mankind™ (BMNCATAOTOITEHOM™), of course. There is ALWAYS some wicked white man who is REALLY behind it, don’t you know? Just ask all the Jooos that were evacuated from the WTC before Bush Made It Happen On Purpose™ (MIHOP™).
Realizing that Joel Surnow would never let him set off a nuke (or CAIR would most assuredly sue him), al-Brynner decides to let Gredenko live. Gredenko then calls the NEXT “real man behind the curtain” who, apart from being decidedly non-Muslim of course, happens to be Doogie Howser who now works as a security guard at a nuclear power plant and lives alone with his autistic brother, Rain Man.
We can’t wait to learn about the next “real man behind the curtain.” It’ll probably be a paraplegic Inuit grandmother living in an igloo. No, that would be a minority. OK, how about a Caucausian Republican midget stock broker with Merrill Lynch? Hey, it COULD HAPPEN, you know.
Apparently Doogie, when not watching Judge Wapner with his brother or hanging out at the nuke plant, earns his money as a go-to guy for Russian terrorists. Has his own entry in the Yellow Pages and everything.
The nuclear plant has tightened security, so Gredenko calls Doogie and demands a new set of security codes.
“How long will it take?”, Gredenko asks.
“How much is left of tonight’s episode?”
“About 50 minutes.”
“Well, then I’ll have them in about 40.”
Doogie goes to see about his brother.
“Ray, I don’t suppose you could get me some files from the nuclear plant mainframe?”, he asks.
“Sure. I’m a good hacker. I’m definitely a good hacker”, Rain Man answers and goes to work.
At CTU, Milo the Frat Boy is watching Token Arab Mole Chick (who is obviously not a mole BMNCATAOTOITEHOM™) on the CCTV. Thankfully, the camera doesn’t let us see what he’s doing with his right hand. Bill comes by to give him the good news that she’s going to be transferred to GITMO as an enemy combatant WHERE SHE WILL BE HELD INDEFINITELY WITHOUT ACCESS TO LAWYERS OR DUE PROCESS OF LAW! BUSH=HITLER! HALLIBURTON!
Or something like that. We’re beyond giving a damn.
After Bill is done with that nice bit of exposition, designed to make the audience even more indignant on behalf of Token Arab Mole Chick when it, inevitably, turns out that she’s as pure as the driven snow (BMNCATAOTOITEHOM™), Chloe interrupts to tell Bill that they’ve found another lead on Gredenko. More specifically, it turns out that even CTU aren’t blitheringly incompetent enough to have NOT kept an eye on the traffic from Gredenko’s satellite phone and have traced his last conversation to Doogie Howser’s apartment.
Somewhere in the U.S., the ACLU is getting ready to file suit on behalf of innocent terrorists having their phone conversations listened in on without a warrant. Well, they would, if the terrorist in this case hadn’t been a Caucasian Russian terrorist.
Bill tells Chloe to send the address to Jack.
Meanwhile, at the drone pilot location, a spooky agent who also, it turns out, worked with Little Lord Fauntleroy in Denver (did anybody NOT work with him there?), reveals to Little Lord Fauntleroy that he found a computer chip explaining how the terrorists managed to hack into CTU’s satellite feed. According to Sneaky Spook, the chip, in conjunction with a trojan downloaded by Token Arab Mole Chick while she was browsing terrorist websites, was the only reason they got in. Obviously CTU has never heard about firewalls or browser security, or perhaps they’re just using Internet Explorer. Neither would surprise anybody very much.
Bottom line: Token Arab Mole Chick is, you guessed it, pure as the driven snow (BMNCATAOTOITEHOM™)… Big surprise there.
Agent Sneaky hands the chip to Little Lord Fauntleroy and suggests that he might want to lose the evidence to avoid unpleasantness when somebody finds out that Token Arab Mole Chick is innocent.
“But I was following standard protocol to the letter at the time, not to mention that all the evidence pointed in her direction!”, Little Lord Fauntleroy reasonably points out.
“Yeah”, Agent Sneaky replies, “but actual facts are hardly going to matter to ACLU, CAIR and The New York Times, now is it?”
He DOES have a point. Little Lord Fauntleroy doesn’t look to pleased and pockets the chip.
At the White House Bunker, Karen Pelosi walks into the medical bay to convince Cynthia McAllstate that risking her brother’s life by waking him up from his medically induced coma is the only way that Karen Pelosi can succeed in her personal crusade to vindicate her enormous ego to SAVE THE WORLD AND LITTLE CUTE BUNNIES!
“Before your brother was almost killed, he was trying to reach out to the Peaceful Muslims that Were Never Connected to Terrorism in the Entire History of Mankind, and it was working”, Karen says, blithely ignoring the fact that it wasn’t working at all. Well, unless your standards for something working are a whole lot lower than rational people’s.
Let’s review: No leads on anything, one nuke in Valencia, one disarmed elsewhere and one dirty nuke in San Francisco, not to mention two live ones at large. That and Ambassador Raghead of Buttfuckistan offering nothing but his condolences… Yep, it was working wonderfully, that’s for sure.
But Cynthia McAllstate have inherited the brains of the Allstate family, meaning that her logical faculties are either shut down or on a drunken Spring Break in Aruba, so she buys it hook, line and sinker.
“Sure, let’s wake my brother up from a coma and risk him dying or turning into a vegetable, heck, we don’t even know if he’ll be able to talk if he wakes up, what could possibly be worse than the home country of Assad and al-Brynner being put on notice that they either put up or shut up? Let’s DO it!”
While going over the plan for the tactical strike, VP Neocon is interrupted by his aide, who informs him about Karen Pelosi’s plot. He calls the doctor and tells him to quit being a fucking moron, and the doctor tells him that it’s not his call to make, that Cynthia McAllstate has ordered him to risk the POTUS’s life to prove Karen Pelosi’s point and that’s the end of it. Obviously, putting a patient’s life in immediate danger is a whole lot easier than one would think, even when the patient is the President of the United States.
VP Neocon reminds him that if the President is hurt in any way, he’ll personally nail his ass to the wall, so he might want to go find a nice spot.
At Doogie Howser’s house, Jack and the red shirts have arrived and are preparing to go in, guns blazing. They do so, managing to shoot Doogie, severing an artery, and scare the shit out of Rain Man who holds his head and shouts “Uh oh, guns, uh oh, guns…” while rocking back and forth. Jack tells the team to stabilize Doogie while he goes to have a talk with Rain Man.
Jack does his best Special Ed Teacher impersonation which, if it weren’t so out of character, would be an interesting alternative to his usual “you’re going to tell me what I need to know or I’ll…” routine.
He goes back to tell Doogie that unless he tells him what information he was getting for Gredenko, he’ll have Rain Man locked up in a small cell without a TV to watch Judge Wapner on, and he’ll make personally sure that his maple syrup will be served after the pancakes for the rest of his life. Doogie promptly spills the beans and tells Jack what nuclear power plant he was giving him the codes for. Of course, Jack could’ve just looked that up in Doogie’s files, but hey…
He goes back to Rain Man who is definitely not wearing his underwear. Or maybe he is, who cares? Jack puts on his Special Ed cap again and talks Rain Man into doing the handover of the codes to Gredenko for him. With Doogie Howser’s help (and the promise of a trip to K-Mart), Rain Man agrees to help out. Doogie calls Gredenko and tells him that there’s been a slight change of plan. He’s got the codes, but he has to go to the office to talk to his supervisor so, unless Gredenko wants to wait for him to come back, he’ll have to take delivery from Rain Man.
“Your brother?”, Gredenko asks.
“Yes. Either that or you’re going to have to wait a bit longer for your codes.”
“Alright, but if he insists on driving my car again, I’m going to shoot him on the spot. And no watching People’s Court either. I can’t STAND that friggin’ show! Have him meet me in the parking lot across the street.”
At CTU, Agent Spooky looks up Milo and tells him about the chip and how Little Lord Fauntleroy is hiding the evidence.
Milo rushes off to beat up Little Lord Fauntleroy but is, thankfully for him, stopped before he can get his ass beaten to a whimpering pulp.
“He’s hiding evidence that Nadia’s innocent”, he yells.
“What?”, Bill asks.
“Oh shut up, Milo”, Al Bundy says as he runs to join the fray, “he gave it to me so I could check it out, make sure it was legit.”
“Er, oops”, Milo says, and Little Lord Fauntleroy generously refrains from spitting on his soul patch. Instead he goes to find Agent Spooky and tells him that the gig is up. “Soon, fuckhead, sooon…”, he hisses as he glares menacingly at him. Well, with all the menace that an actor mainly known for his part as Little Lord Fauntleroy can muster anyways. It doesn’t leave much of an impression either.
Bill goes to tell Token Arab Mole Chick the good news, that she’s been absolutely cleared and that she’s free to go. Oh, and would she please go back to work?
Instead of being happy to be proven innocent and impressed with how justice has been served by CTU investigating the matter and fessing up to their mistakes, Token Arab Mole Chick walks off in a huff, pouting like a little girl. Hey, she’s got an enormous windfall coming to her once CAIR gets a hold of her case, so why sabotage it by pretending to be reasonable? Besides, she’s a Muslim, so everybody should have known from the start that she could not POSSIBLY be guilty of anything (BMNCATAOTOITEHOM™).
After Bill has kissed her ass profusely, she relents and decides to stay for the time being. Or perhaps she realized that discovery would be a bitch, considering her felony breach of security protocol by accessing the mainframe using Milo’s login credentials.
As she comes back to her workstation, Milo spots her and decides that it’s time to make his move. Well, other than his standard move of humping her leg every time she’s in the room, that is. Token Arab Mole Chick isn’t exactly in the mood, however, at least until Milo baas like a goat, grabs her forcefully and tells her that he’s going to ride her like a camel while sticking his tongue down her throat well past her tonsils.
Apparently that turns her on, because she somehow refrains from kneeing him in the groin.
At the White House, Cynthia McAllstate and Karen Pelosi are waiting for President Allstate Jr to wake up from his coma and save the world, when the doctor enters the room and tells them that President Allstate Jr’s brain is swelling. As a matter of fact, it has now swollen to the size of a walnut and doctor Kevorkian is suggesting that they re-induce the coma to save his life.
“No”, Cynthia McAllstate says, “I don’t care if it swells to the point where his skull blows up, he has to save the world!”
“But he won’t be much use saving the world if he’s got the intellect of a rutabaga when he wakes up”, the doctor points out.
“Says who? It never kept him from being President in the past!”
At this point, the nurse interrupts the Three Stooges, telling the doc that President Allstate’s vitals are crashing.
Doesn’t look good, does it? Well, in the real world it wouldn’t look good, but we all know what’s not going to happen, don’t we?
Jack and the team are getting ready and Jack briefs Rain Man one more time.
“Ray, I need you to wear one of those”, he says, holding up an ear radio.
“Will it hurt?”
“It will if you don’t put it in there right now, dammit”, everybody watching the show says and breathe a sigh of relief when Rain Man lets Jack put it on him.
“It’ll let you hear me without anybody knowing. Kinda like voices in your head. And it comes with a neat decoder ring too! Just pretend you can’t hear me, because Mr Gredenko can’t know.”
With that and an “OK” from Rain Man, Jack sends him off to the rendezvous across the street. Then he briefs his team.
“OK, guys. Charlie team shoots Gredenko with the tranq dart, Alpha and Bravo teams shoot anything else that moves. And try to get it right this time, will you?”
“Roger that. Alpha and Bravo to shoot Gredenko while Charlie shoots Rain Man with the tranq dart.”
“No, dammit, Charlie on Gredenko with the tranq dart, Alpha and Bravo on everybody else. And NOBODY shoots Rain Man!”
“Unless he moves, got it…”
“What if Gredenko moves? Do Alpha and Bravo shoot him then?”
“No, you do NOT shoot Gredenko unless it’s with a tranq dart.”
“Whether he moves or not. Right. Gotcha, sir.”
Gredenko arrives and gets out of the car.
“Do you have it?”, Gredenko asks.
“Yeah. I definitely have it”, Rain Man answers.
“Alright. Give it to me.”
“Uh oh”, Rain Man says.
“You have to say ‘please.’ Definitely have to say ‘please’”
“Alright then. Give it to me please.”
While Rain Man hands over the thumb drive and Gredenko starts downloading, Charlie team informs Jack that Rain Man is in the way. He can’t get a clean shot. For some reason, it doesn’t occur to Jack to tell Rain Man to take one step to the left or right, the reason most likely being that it would be too logical. Not to mention that we’d miss seeing the download gauge on Gredenko’s laptop go from 0% to 100%.
While downloading, Gredenko gives the order, in Russian, to shoot Rain Man as soon as he’s done downloading and verifying the codes.
“Can you take a shot?”, Jack asks Charlie team.
“Negative. Rain Man is still in the way like I told you a minute ago.”
“Can you move your position?”
“Are you fucking crazy, sir? Alpha and Bravo would shoot me if I were to move. You just told them, remember?”
“Oh bother”, Jack mumbles, then finally has an epiphany and realizes that perhaps, just perhaps it would be possible to get Rain Man to move a few inches instead.
“Ray, when I say ‘go’, you get down as quickly as possible, OK?”
“Should we shoot him then? Seeing as how he’ll be moving and all?”, Alpha and Bravo ask.
“Gotcha, Sir. Nobody is to shoot the kid, whether he moves or not.”
The download finishes and Gredenko gives the order to shoot Rain Man. Jack tells Rain Man to get down, and Charlie team nails Gredenko with a tranq dart while Alpha and Bravo teams start shooting everything that moves. Except for one guy, who is taken out by Jack while running to rescue Rain Man.
“Why didn’t you fucking shoot the bastard?”, he yells.
“He didn’t move”, Alpha and Bravo teams reply in unison.
Jack picks up Rain Man who is cowering on the ground.
“You did great, Ray”, he says, “but what’s that smell?”
“Uh oh, I’m definitely not wearing my underpants”, Rain Man answers, and Jack turns his head and tells his team to take the poor kid to his brother. And ferchrissakes, would somebody give the kid a fresh pair of underwear?
Gredenko is dragged off to be prepped for interrogation.
When he wakes up, Jack enters the room, looking at him menacingly while giving him the usual speech about how he’s going to tell him what he needs to know etc. etc. etc. and does somebody happen to have a hacksaw?
Gredenko isn’t impressed at all, since he’s seen the previous seasons already.
“Cut the crap. Just give me the standard Full Amnesty and Protection Package™ or I’m not telling you anything.”
And we all know that he’s going to get it too. There is no WAY that Jack would just tell him to fuck himself and make him talk anyway by “asking him very nicely” because, as we all know, there is no crime so egregiously horrid that you can’t immediately get a Full Amnesty on 24. Oh, and Torture Never Works!!!!™.
At the White House Bunker, the fireworks are about to commence. Spineless Toad, who has become a perfect clone of Karen Pelosi, is trying to convince the VP that now that they have another useless lead, it’s time to call off everything and rely on CTU and their 1337, M4d 5k11z because that’s worked so well in the past.
The VP is having none of it, however. Obviously he’s seen enough of CTU’s “promising leads” turn to shit in the past (so say we all!) to not be overly confident that this one is going to Save the World™. That, and he probably knows that there are about ten episodes left of the show still.
Not to mention that, whether Gredenko’s capture leads to the unraveling of the plot or not, there’s still the small matter of a dozen thousand casualties in Valencia and the radiation spill in San Francisco, caused by a citizen of Buttfuckistan whose organization has been planning and operating with the tacit approval of the government of said turd world shithole so maybe, just MAYBE it’s time to put them on notice that actions have consequences and that “sincere” condolences plus three bucks won’t get you anything above a cup of coffee at Starbuck’s.
Clearly, he’s insane. At least by the standards of the CAIR writers that FOX has been forced to hire.
Then, just as the sub is about to launch, we learn that they’ve been ordered to stand down. By the President of the United States.
Switching to the medical bay, we learn that a MIRACLE has happened. President Allstate Jr, who just a few minutes ago was struggling for his life, brain swelling rapidly and vital signs crashing all over the place, has awoken and is in full possession of his faculties, looking considerably better than any of us do when we wake up from a full night of restful sleep. Heck, he doesn’t even look groggy. Which is pretty damn impressive, considering that a few minutes ago he was almost dead and higher than a Kennedy behind the wheel.
“I’ve stopped your insane genocidal attack on the camels of our eternal friends in Buttfuckistan”, he tells the VP, “and I’ll be resuming my full Presidential duties immediately. Well, as soon as I get done walking on water and raising the dead, that is.”
I guess we’ll have to call him President Lazarus from now on.
Of course, the VP being the Evil NeoKKKon Racist that he is, isn’t going to give up without a fight (it would make CAIR seriously “disappointed”, after all), so he vows to unseat President Lazarus Allstate, asking for the Attorney General.
And thus endeth the episode.
Did I tell that it was ridiculous or what?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

24 Update from this week.....

07:00:00 to 07:10:47

Outside the Russian consulate... body bags... lots and lots of body bags. It's like they were hosting The Source Hip-Hop Awards. Back at CTU, they are pointing satellites at the desert looking for drones. The the nuclear-armed stealth kind, not the Borg kind. In the Desert, where night has suddenly fallen between last hour and this one, Whistler and Nagonaworkhere prepare to launch the only drone they've got ready to go. It will be remote controlled by some Russian dude with a Nintendo Wii.

♫"No need to ask, he's a drone operator...drone... operator..." ♫Meanwhile, RPF who was upgrading security systems -- which they apparently do every couple of hours and yet still not often enough at CTU -- and noticed that Awana Fugya was using Kemper's security code, she tells them that it's a felony breach of security, but then Kemper gives her the Puss'n'Boots face. RPF says, "Oh, I can't report you," The same trick worked with Sandy Berger.Chiggy and Al Bundy have detected the drone on satellite, and determined it's headed for downtown L.A. Then Al Bundy loses the drone, because the Russians have hacked CTU and disrupted their tracking capability. Real nice freakin' security upgrade, RPF.

07:15:12 to 07:24:13

RPF determines that if the drone had been headed to L.A., it would have gone off by now. So, they're good. Jack and Ricky Stratton show up at CTU. Chiggy wants Jack to go to medical and tend to his wounds, but Jack decides to run over and see Patsy Ramsay Bauer instead. Jack tells Patsy he still has feelings for Audrey. Patsy tells him, "Oh, forget about the Welsh tart. She's dead. But I'm alive... and I'm all woman." Jack goes into CTU and yells at RPF. "Why didn't anyone tell me Patsy was a woman?" Jack demands to see the file on Audrey's death. RPF protests, "But I've almost found the nuclear drone." Jack: "Forget about the drone. Bring me the file."Weasel Cage gives Frau Blucher a warm welcome upon her return to the batcave ... about as warm as Pat Buchanan welcoming Elinor Clift to a United Jewish Appeal fundraiser. Jim Jones convenes his meeting with the JCS "OK, here's the long and the short of it, if that nuclear bomb detonates in US territory, we're gonna uncork some bottled sunshine over Durkadurkastan."A creepy wheelchair-bound scientist explains the plan. "Mr. President, deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy... the FEAR to attack. Mein fuhrer... I mean, Mr. President, ve can achieve your results by nuking a small area near zeir norzern border...."

During the break, there's a commercial for Michael Jackson's new show, "Are You Hotter than a Fifth Grader?"

07:28:36 to 07:34:55

RPF is once again closing in on the drone's position, but Kemper pulls her off so she can see if Al Bundy's been drinkin'. Priorities. RPF gives Bundy an open-mouthed kiss, "He's clean." Chiggy makes a note to put Chloe in charge of drug screening for new CTU recruits.Back in the Batcave, Frau Blucher is opposed to the president's plan and tries to win over Weasel Cage. "This is not what President Belushi would have wanted." Weasel Cage reminds her of Belushi's track record, turning loose the terrorist, getting Valencia nuked, and besides... "the vice president makes a mean cup of grape Kool-Aid."At CTU, after being called away to make coffee, run out to Taco Bell for snacks, and pick up Chiggy's dry cleaning, RPF has finally figured out that a mole has enabled the ♫drone operator♫ to see where they are searching before they search it, and pilot the drone away from the satellite track. The leak is coming from Awana Fuqya's computer. Awana gets hauled away by CTU Security goons and Kemper is stunned.Meanwhile, Whistler and Nagonaworkhere decide the drone will detonate over San Francisco right about at the top of the hour. San Franciscans panic over the lack of time to organize an appeasement demonstration.

07:39:22 to 07:46:48

Frau Blucher checks on President Belushi and is informed he's in a coma. Frau Blucher wants to wake him up. The doctor rolls his eyes, "Didn't you hear me, I said he was in a coma?"Kemper is all moony over Awana Fuqya, who is being interrogated by Ricky Stratton. Kemper is SO jealous, but Awana isn't impressed. "Jack would have pulled out my fingernails by now." Meanwhile, Al Bundy has located the place the signal is being fed back to. It's conveniently close to CTU and has excellent parking. Kemper tells Ricky Stratton the location of the feed, and Ricky skips off like the happy little tow-headed boy he is.Nearby, Jack is all moony over Audrey's file. Then, he sees a tactical team deploying and asks where they're going. A tactical dude gives him the thumb's up. "Kegger at the drone pilot's house." Jack asks Chloe for a PDA and a phone. Chiggy tells him he's still injured and not to go, but Jack's all about avenging Audrey's death and stuff.

07:50:54 to 07:59:59

Jack and Ricky Stratton... gotta call them, Bacardi and 7-Up.... move in on the hideout (which must have been, like, across the street from CTU) shooting Russkis as they go. They soon reach the control room, where the ♫drone operator♫ cowers behind the control panel. 7-Up shoots him, and Bacardi takes over the controls. Since the bomb is GPS controlled, it will only detonate once it reaches its target. Jack tries desperately to steer it away.Leslie Nielsen pokes his head in to say, "I just want you to know, we're all counting on you."Jacks steers the drone away at the last second and crash lands it in an industrial park. The nuke is on fire, but not going off. Ann Coulter delivers the news that the nuke didn't go off to the president. She's disappointed. "That would have killed millions of faggots." Jim Jones is disappointed, but decides. "Aw, hell, let's nuke 'em anyway!"


Tuesday, March 13, 2007

24 Update Rott Style

All Hail Misha at The Rott......

for this funny ass summary of 24 last night.....

Shootout at the Markov Corral by Emperor Misha I (19 Views)
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Strap in as the Grim Reaper finally makes a re-appearance on the show, along with enough plot holes to drive a Chinese container ship through.
It’s… The Bauer Hour of Power!:
President Weasel arrives at CTU. Obviously, the staff at CTU are prone to carrying petty grudges, because they greet the former statesman who had more than half of them nerve gassed with stares that can’t be considered in any way friendly. Such simplisme behavior. After all, he’s already paying for what he did by being confined to the Hugh Hefner Mansion Arrest, isn’t he? It’s not like he’s been given a fine, a few hours of community service and had his library card temporarily revoked.
He’s taken to a holding cell, where Chloe has to go “do something with the computer”, although it’s quite obvious that what she’d really like to do with the computer would be to shove it up President Weasel’s Khyber Pass… Sideways. Poor Edgar, will she ever get over him? The happy times at the donut vending machine, trying to find a chair in storage that would hold his considerable weight… Such agony.
Rather than doing what she ought to, she tells President Weasel that she’s “feeling ambivalent” and leaves, which, in Chloe-speak, means “if it weren’t for me not wanting to create a hostile work environment, this laptop would currently be stuck in your intestine, right next to your pancreas.”
Upstairs, Bill is telling everybody about his plan to storm the Russian consulate and introducing them to a guy that has been brought in from the outside to lead the charge, Little Lord Fauntleroy.
Milo the Affirmative Hire, whose arm is still in a sling from his having managed to get himself hit while missing every target within 5 feet of himself, isn’t thrilled about this whole rescuing Jack thing, worrying endlessly about storming the consulate of a foreign nation. After all, Russia might declare war, and then where’d everybody be?
Little Lord Fauntleroy assures him that it’s not about Jack, it’s about getting Anatoly Markov.
“But what about this being an act of war…”, Milo tries.
“We already got you the first time”, Little Lord Fauntleroy replies, and we don’t really care. “Now, why don’t you run off to the shooting range and hone your skills a bit? I’ll make sure to alert everybody already there to stand right next to the targets. That way, there’s no conceivable way they can get hurt.”
Bill tries to smooth the waters a bit by pointing out that, technically speaking, the possibility of a few diplomatic notes of concern, no matter how sternly worded, doesn’t strike him as near as important as the certainty of three nukes going off inside the U.S. if they don’t do something, and pretty damn quick too.
Milo tries desperately to wrap his brain around this, thinks better of it and goes back to playing with his toes for a while, then jumps up again and starts whining about Little Lord Fauntleroy being a jerk when he, as head of ops, starts giving orders.
“That’s not how we do things around here, you insenthitive bathtard!”, he lisps.
“Obviously it isn’t, or this season would’ve been over 10 episodes ago, but that’s how I do things”, Little Lord Fauntleroy replies, “and if you don’t stop pestering me, I’ll give you a wedgie ten times worse than the ones I used to give you in the Denver office!”
Token Arab Mole Chick waits for Little Lord Fauntleroy to leave, then asks Milo what that was all about.
“I don’t like him very much, he’s so mean“, Milo sobs.
“But does he know what he’s doing?”
“Heck yeah. He’s extremely good at what he does, which is another reason I don’t like him very much. He makes me feel so… inadequate”, Milo sniffles, then runs off to buy some chocolate from the vending machine.
At the consulate, Vasili the Chief Goon dumps Jack on the body of the guard that he shot in the back of the head last week, then calls Markov to tell him that he’s now going to shoot Jack and blame the guard’s death on him. Of course, Markov already knows this since he was the one who told him to do it, but the writers felt that it was necessary to spell it out for the audience. Also, they need to give Jack some time to pull off the dead guard’s belt which he, amazingly, accomplishes by pulling it the wrong way through the belt loops. Is there anything that Jack can’t do?
Of course there isn’t.
As Vasili aims his gun at Jack, Jack goes all Indiana Jones on him, using the belt as a whip. The gun flies through the air, Jack jumps, rolls, flies through the air and catches it with his teeth, then turns to Vasili, who decides to pull a knife. Well, we all know what happens when you bring a knife to a gun fight, don’t we?
Markov, who’s been watching on CCTV, tells the guards to go catch Jack, then orders them to cut off all outside communications in order to stop Jack from telling anybody about the Mojave Desert and Shadow Valley.
Meanwhile, Jack finds a wall phone and decides to call CTU, only to be cut off right after telling Al Bundy that he knows where Gredenko is. Of course, he could have grabbed poor Vasili’s cell phone, the one he’d been talking to Markov on, and used it instead, but what would be the fun in that?.
At CTU, Bill tells everybody that since Jack knows where Gredenko is, he is now indispensable, so no funny business about getting him whacked if they decide to storm the consulate. He then goes to tell President Weasel that their chat has been postponed due to recent developments. President Weasel immediately knows what’s up, the fact that he knows that Jack went back to the consulate may have been his first clue, and tells Buchanan that storming the consulate is a really bad idea, since Markov will kill himself rather than speak anyway.
“So what do you suggest, oh traitor boy?”, Bill asks.
“Well, if you could get my ex-wife to call President Subaru’s wife Anya, I’m sure that she can get President Subaru to order Markov to surrender himself.”
“Your very certifiable ex-wife who is now locked up in an asylum?”, Bill asks.
“Er, well… Yes. But she’s got a heart of gold!”
“And Markov, whom you’ve just assured me would rather die than talk to us, will then meekly surrender himself to us for interrogation?”
“Quit using logic! It frightens and confuses me as well as the writers of this show and, besides, that line wasn’t even in the script!”
“Oh why the Hell not. It doesn’t make a lick of sense, so the writers are going to force me to agree with you anyway”, Bill says. He further agrees to let President Weasel talk to Mad Martha in person, as if the poor woman hasn’t suffered enough already.
Outside, Little Lord Fauntleroy is showing everybody who’s alpha male now by trying to Force Choke Al Bundy, making a very bad impersonation of R. Lee Ermey and… Thankfully, everybody agrees to let him be the boss before he gets done unzipping his pants.
At the White House Bunker, Spineless Toad is led back to talk to Vice President Evil Neocon. The prospect of the dismissal of all charges along with the chance to implement his concentration camp plans seem to have made him forget all about his objections to framing Assad for the assassination attempt. Always looking out for #1, our friend Spineless Toad. However, he does insist that Bomb Dude and Reed face the consequences of their actions.
“Ah, but of course they will. We’re already looking for a few 20,000 acres of luxury estates where we can place them in ‘house arrest.’ We’ll deal with them later, but right now we have these nukes to deal with, and it wouldn’t be all that helpful if all of our critics were running around screaming ‘look at how bad the U.S. is, we’re worse than the terrorists! If I can’t talk to known terrorists in Afghanistan without the government listening in, then the terrorists have already won! No blood for oil!’”
Obviously VP Neocon hasn’t been reading any newspapers since 9/11, because that’s pretty much all they’ve been doing on a daily basis. No terrorist so vile, no act of terrorism so despicable that they won’t blissfully ignore it in favor of their objectively pro-al-Qaeda agenda.
“Oh, and I need you to tell Ambassador Raghead that you personally saw Assad plant the bomb and detonate it. Hope you don’t have a problem with that”, VP Neocon adds.
“But, but, that would be LYING!”, Spineless Toad protests.
“Or ‘politics’, as it’s also known. Here, look it up”, VP Neocon replies and hands Spineless Toad a copy of Roget’s thesaurus. Now get with the program, boy. Spineless Toad caves.
In the Mojave Desert, Fayed arrives with the nukes.
Meanwhile, Bill is talking to VP Neocon, explaining the situation about Jack, the consulate, the planned attack on it and President Weasel’s hare-brained plot to use Mad Martha.
After a good hearty laugh, VP Neocon tells Bill to go right ahead with his plans, but by all means pretend that President Weasel’s idea is going to work. Then, when it fails, storm the damn consulate.
Elsewhere, we once again get to meet our hero from last season, Aaron the SS Agent, who is bringing a bag of groceries to Mad Martha’s rubber cell, where she lives with all of her cats, painting the walls with feces and listening to NPR all day. While Mad Martha is busy unpacking the fresh fruit that Aaron brought, the show puts out a Needless Romantic Interlude Advisory but, thankfully, the phone rings before any real schmaltz can ensue. Aaron picks it up.
It is, of course, President Weasel, demanding to speak to Mad Martha. Rather than hanging up, Aaron tells Mad Martha who it is and that he wants to speak to her. For some reason, she’s not all that eager to talk to a megalomaniacal psychopath who tried to have her killed last season, but when President Weasel tells Aaron to mention the Subarus, she picks up the phone.
“You tried to have them killed AGAIN, you sick bastard?”
“Er, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. No, they’re fine, but I need your help getting them to do something for our nation.”
Mad Martha doesn’t believe him, strangely enough, considering his track record of absolute truthfulness, so President Weasel leaves it to Aaron to convince her while he rides over there in a chopper.
Back at the consulate, Jack is still rummaging around in the basement trying to find a phone while not getting himself killed by the approximately 300 AK-47-armed guards looking for him. He comes across a room where a Russian embassy worker is making out with a member of the secretary pool.
“Sorry to interrupt this charming and affectionate spectacle, but if you don’t cooperate, I’ll kill you both”, he says as he bursts into the room, gun at the ready, “now, if you’d kindly help me get in touch with my friends outside the consulate, preferably by giving me a satellite phone.”
“I’ve got this brand new Motorola Razr right here”, the Russian answers, helpfully pulling out his cell phone.
“I don’t think you heard me correctly. That would be too easy, and we still need a dramatic shootout between me and the guards in this episode.”
“Well, I DO have a satellite phone upstairs that I could go get. Of course, that would take quite a while, virtually guaranteeing that the guards find you at the last moment, just as you’re handing off the information to your friends which, again, will lead to an inevitable shootout.”
“Perfect!”, Jack says and sends the Russian on his way, keeping his girlfriend as a hostage. “Don’t be scared. You’ll be fine”, Jack reassures her, which for some reason fails to have the intended effect. Obviously she’s been watching past seasons of the show.
President Weasel arrives at the loony bin, where Aaron informs him that he’s persuaded Mad Martha to see him. As they walk inside, they learn that she’s un-persuaded herself and locked herself in the bedroom. Then she re-persuades herself and comes out anyway. With a bit of luck, she’ll manage to stay persuaded at least for a few minutes this time.
After the obligatory mutual unpleasantries, President Weasel tells her what’s going on with Markov, the nukes and the season ending of Days of Our Lives. After a remarkably tedious amount of back and forth and with a bit of help from Aaron who’d like for the damn scene to get over with already (so say we all!), she finally agrees to talk to Anya Subaru.
At the Bunker, Ambassador Raghead is being led in to speak to VP Neocon.
“Once again, I’d like to express my cond…”, he begins. Do they have some sort of automated recording that is set to go off every time they see a member of the Executive Branch? VP Neocon interrupts him:
“Oh, I’m sure of it. The citizens of your country dancing in the streets for hours surely looked hurt, sympathetic and full of grief to me. And that’s not counting the expression of deep regret on the face of your citizen, Assad’s face when he set off the bomb in the conference room, almost killing the President.”
“But that is preposterous!”, Ambassador Raghead protests.
“Is it, Tom?”, VP Neocon says, nudging Spineless Toad with his elbow, “didn’t you see Assad pushing the button on the detonator while screaming ‘Allah-u Akbar!’?”
“Er… Oh yes, Sir, I most certainly did.”
“But, Assad was not working for my government! He was as much a wanted man in our country as he was in yours!”, Ambassador Raghead protests again.
“Oh sure. That’s why he managed to operate with impunity for so many years. It’s also how his fellow countryman, Fayed, managed to operate for years, all the while being hunted like a dog by your government. When you weren’t busy funding them under the table and looking the other way, that is.”
“But we are your eternal frie…”
“Remind me of that one day when I might give a shit”, VP Neocon interrupts, “because right now I’ve just about had it with your guarantees of eternal friendship while you sit on your prayer rugs giggling at the gullible infidels. It’s all fun and games until somebody gets a city blown up. Which gave me an idea. If another bomb goes off in this country, then guess who I’m going to hold responsible?”
“But we had an understanding with President Allstate!”
“I’ll be sure to remind him of that when he wakes up from his coma. Of course, given that we have a carrier strike group within striking distance of every city of your country, and assuming that you guys continue to sit on your hands and do nothing about catching those terrorists until a second, third or fourth nuke goes off, there probably won’t be much of a country left for you to represent, if you get my drift…”
The ambassador, judging by the looks on his face, gets it quite well.
Chloe is trying to get through to Anya Subaru on the phone, but apparently there’s a very important meeting in the Omsk Knitting Society, so the rest of the world is just going to have to wait. Besides, there are still about fifteen minutes left of this episode, and we all know that everything has to happen in the last three.
At the nuthouse, Mad Martha is getting increasingly agitated, walking in circles and muttering to herself, telling the voices in her head to leave her alone. She goes to the kitchen and starts chopping up fruit with a rather sharp knife, then returns to the living room table while shouting at President Weasel, calling him all of the names she can think of.
Aaron the Terminator tells President Weasel that if he’d feel more comfortable waiting outside, it’d be OK. As always, Aaron’s advice is more than excellent and, equally predictable, President Weasel refuses to take it, which is how he ends up with a fruit knife sticking out of his shoulder and, unfortunately for him, buried in his clavicular artery. What’s even more unfortunate from his point of view is that he doesn’t have the sense to leave it in there.
“Look what you’ve done!”, Aaron shouts, “you’ve ruined the couch!”
“Why are they doing this to me?”, Mad Martha says after the agents slap handcuffs on her, “he’s a mass murderer! Somebody should give me a medal instead!”
All of us watching agree completely. Of course, that’s not how justice works. If you’re a mass murdering President responsible for assassinations and nerve gas attacks on malls, you get the Hugh Hefner mansion and an immunity deal. If you’re the one who helped stop him, you get a one-way ticket to the looney bin.
“I know, honey”, Aaron says, “but are you still capable of making the call to Anya?”
“Of course I am”, Mad Martha says, blood spattered all over her face, “it’s not like I’m crazy or anything.” She picks up the phone.
“Anya, how are you?”
“I’m fine, but I’ve been worried about you.”
“Oh, you darlin’ you, nothing to worry about. Just got done stabbing Charles in the neck, you know how exes get, and the city I’m in just got nuked, but other than that I’m great. Say, could you do me a favor, dearie?”
“Sure. Martha. What is it?”
“Nothing big, really, it’s just that this consul of yours, Markov I believe it is, is behind all of this thermonuclear unpleasantness, and our people would like to talk to him a bit. So could you please tell Yuri to tell him to give up his diplomatic immunity and hand himself over for interrogation? Oh, and that divine recipe for blinis you gave me? Could you send it to me again? I seem to have misplaced it.”
Back at the consulate, Little Lord Fauntleroy is getting his team ready to attack. Inside, Markov is on the phone with President Subaru, who has been convinced by his wife at some point during the last five seconds (those Russian girls work fast) to order Markov to hand himself over.
Of course, as we all know, that ain’t gonna happen, and Markov hangs up after having told President Subaru just that. President Subaru then calls Bill Buchanan and authorizes the assault.
In the basement of the consulate, the Russian guy returns with the sat phone and Jack dials CTU. Of course, this happens to be the exact moment that the guards finally finds Jack and burst into the room, shooting at everything that moves. Outside, Little Lord Fauntleroy launches his attack at the same time, and the Russian guards do their best Imperial Stormtrooper impersonation, missing everybody while being cut down in a matter of seconds. No wonder those guys got their asses kicked in Afghanistan.
Just as Jack runs out of ammo and gets ready to attack the remaining guards with his teeth, Lord Fauntleroy’s team breaks through to the basement and helpfully guns down the hapless Russians. Upstairs, Markov is on the phone with Gredenko, telling him that the gig is up and it’s time to launch the nuke-armed drones.
“Didn’t I already tell you that it would be another hour or two until we could do that?”, Gredenko protests, pointing out page 345 in the script to Markov where he clearly stated just that.
“Shut up! This latest plot development means that you’ll have to do it anyway, logic be damned!”
He then gets shot, very satisfyingly, by two members of the TAC team bursting through the door.
Jack meets up with Little Lord Fauntleroy, telling him that Gredenko is in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, pretending to be the leanest, meanest son-of-a-bitch in the Valley.
Which indeed he is, along with Fayed who informs us that the first drone is armed and ready to launch. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Or something.
Elsewhere, President Weasel flatlines in the ambulance, and he doesn’t even get to see his whole life pass before his eyes first.
Hundreds of thousands of viewers all across the nation erupt in cheers and catcalls.
Join us next week as Fayed launches his model airplane and we find out if President Weasel at least has the decency to stay dead.

For more, go to the Anti Idiotarian Rottweiler or

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Democrats want to close Gitmo AND move the prisoners HERE!


Key House Democrats plan to insist the Pentagon shut down the detention camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and are contemplating the relocation of many of the 385 or so remaining terrorist suspects to military brigs along the East Coast -- including Quantico, Va., and Charleston, S.C.
"It sets us back in the war on terrorism to be maintaining Guantanamo," said Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.), who's heading an investigation of the facility for the House Defense Appropriations Subcommittee.
"It will enhance our reputation to close it down and to apply our system of justice to all of these detainees," he added.

OK, let's gut this dipwad. First, he wants to move the prisoners out of Gitmo. Shut it down. And not just move them out, but move these koranimals, stateside. Did I miss a frickin meeting? Isn't the purpose of Gitmo to keep these animals far enough from our shores that we're not in danger, but close enough to be questioned before any other attacks hit?

Yeah, I think it was, Jim. But this Democrap and his idiot pals think closing Gitmo is a great idea.

Why? To enhance our reputation with a bunch of transparent suck ups overseas, that's right, the Eurotrash. But probably their Islamo pals. The Euros wanna chastise us about prisons, they're the respective lands that fashioned the guillotine, the iron maiden, concentration camps, and Gestapo tactics. Screw em. The Germans let our Red Army Faction terrorists on parole, hoping they'll be reformed. However, if anyone slams a Muslim they're to be imprisoned for life, next to the SS camp guard serving life without parole. Europe is insane and they want to take us with them.

And Jim Moran and Jack Murtha and the stupid asses are willing to hand us over. Bet they're moving out of the US once the terrorists move in here.....Oh wait, they probably are here, thanks to porous borders..... thanks Democrats.

After two trips to Guantanamo, Moran told The Politico that he's recommending Congress cut funding to the detention center at the end of summer 2008. The men held there should then be released, tried or moved to the United States, he said.
A Democratic official involved in developing the Guantanamo strategy said the Democrats, who control the new Congress, expect Republicans to object to bringing the detainees onto U.S. soil because their attorneys would surely argue they were entitled to myriad new rights.

A myriad of rights? Wow, this is more Helsinki Syndrome than taking a ticket to Lapland. These morons want us to move the terrorists here, not for rights only. Try escape attempts and a prison break. Who wants these turds next door to their home? Not us. But the Democrats know better, so we don't matter....... By the way, thanks to the stupid voters who brought us this Congress and this Pandora's Box.....

The official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said Democrats are planning hearings in April or May to "build a record" that closing Guantanamo would be beneficial and that it would be legal, as well as logistically feasible, to bring its detainees to the United States. The hearings would start with panels of lawyers, some of whom are convinced the plan is workable and some of whom represent detainees now at Guantanamo.
And to make the measure more palatable to Republicans, Moran said he would suggest the detainees be transferred to military bases that would allow them to be tried in federal courts under the Richmond-based 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.
"Republicans certainly could not consider that a mollycoddling, liberal bastion," Moran said. "The 4th Circuit is as conservative as you get. But the whole world would see that the United States stands for the rule of law. And I think the high-value targets would be shown to be people who undoubtedly should be detained and prosecuted.
"But you've got to distinguish among these people," he said. "We have to prove they actually did something that was designed to hurt American citizens."

Have to prove? Prove that these 7th Century animals want us dead? Check out Al Jazeera you stupid fuck! Prove they conspire? Check out their blogs, check out their records. Check out the fact they were apprehended firing fucking weapons at our troops and plotting to kill civilians. Jim Moran, we got a nice section of rope and a tree branch for you. Swing you bastard! Swing!

And don't give us that shit about conservative courts. You'll make sure the terrorists cases go to the most liberal fucking judge Clinton appointee. And when they're out, supposedly finding Allah and peaceful you'll let em go.

Count the days til this backfires and we lose lives.....

A senior administration official, also speaking on the condition of anonymity, said he was puzzled by the Democrats' frequent discussion of closing Guantanamo.
"While we want to bring these guys to trial as quickly as possible, where do Democrats believe we should keep Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind of the 9/11 plot?" the official asked. "Which American city will they choose to place America's most wanted terrorists?"
The Democratic official said the plan would be to relocate the terrorists to military brigs that have suitable courtrooms. In addition to Quantico and Charleston, many could go to Fort Leavenworth, Kan., or to the Norfolk Naval Station, which has four courtrooms.

High populated areas, soon to be home for hundreds of terrorists. I got a solution. Truck those bastards out to Jack Murtha's house, or Jim Moron's townhome in DC. You wanna move em? Let these terrorists bunk with you. Then when you're holding a flashlight and a fucking gun like Borat being scared of Jews, then you'll see the terrorists NEEDED to be kept away from our shore. Of course it may be hard for you to scream after a practitioner of the religion of peace saws through your neck and removes your fucking head!

Still other possibilities include the Marine Corps Air Station in Beaufort, S.C., and Fort Gordon, Fort Stewart and Hunter Army Airfield, all in Georgia.

Here's a better sight, the Nuclear Proving Grounds in NEvada, and we can light one off for old times sake! The libs will wanna keep track of terrorists. They suggest chip implants, GPS trackers. I have a foolproof way of keeping track of these goatfuckers. Burial plots! Toe tags! Kill them before they kill us. If not, don't fuckin cry when we get hit worse than ever! What thinking man wants this? Who?

In the flush of taking control of the House in January, Democrats had talked about pushing to close Guantanamo immediately, perhaps as part of the emergency wartime funding bill that is now pending. But they had trouble settling on a strategy for that bill and now are considering a shutdown directive in the overall defense appropriations bill for the 2008 fiscal year that begins Oct. 1.
The prison camp at the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay has been a constant headache for the Bush administration, which has been accused of holding innocent people there indefinitely. Hunger strikes, suicides and accusations of inappropriate interrogations have plagued the facility, home to what the White House calls some of the world's most dangerous terrorists.
U.S. allies abroad have complained about Guantanamo as well. And the president has said that he would like to close it down but that there is no other place to hold the detainees.

Inappropriate interrogations? You think if reversed these savages would bat an eyelash before holding a blow torch your feet to make you talk? Or maybe attach them roach clips to your nads before frying em up? Or they'll just cut your head off with a dull fuckin sarissan sword. Yeah, yeah, improper interrogations, suicides, hunger strikes.

Let em fuckin starve! They starved their own and lived pretty good. Suicides? By all means, let em, and make sure they endure some pain. Ask those Israelis who lost arms and legs and eyes how bad they feel for some terrorist with a bellyache. Ask that 9/11 survivor how teary they are if some terrorist shitbag takes himself out of the fuckin gene pool! Not very, unless you're the Jersey Girls or some idjit who forgot about 9/11 already.

Asked about the furor that could erupt in local communities chosen to receive the detainees, Moran noted that the brigs were secure and that most of the detainees had not "been involved in any combat."
"Many of them have never engaged in any act of violence," Moran said. "Some of them hold beliefs that are anathema to ours, but we have a tradition that we don't punish people for their beliefs but rather for their actions."

Oh, never fired a shot in anger! Awwww. Jim wants to give these sheep rapists a chance to fire that shot in anger. They're in combat, they support the jihadists. No less guilty than the Nazis who clapped when Jews were gassed, but then acted repenant when the Nuremburg Tribunual had a rope around their fuckin necks!

No act of violence? Yeah, I suppose all these terrorists are peaceful little mooselimbs who don't wanna kill anyone. Except if you're a Jew. Or a Christian. Or a moderate Muslim. Or British, or American, or anyone who's not a radical Islamist piece of shit, or some coddler like Jim Moran.

Don't worry Jim, you'll be the last these bastards kill after their take over......

Thanks Democrats. Thanks for another nail in America's coffin.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

24 Update, From Last Week

Sorry for the tardy posting, been busy with work and life.....

4:00:00 to 4:12:32

Whistler calls Sameer Nagonaworkhere and basically, they need another three hours to put together the warheads and the delivery systems, thus setting up the time frame for the next 3 - 4 episodes. Apparently, they intend to deliver the bombs using some kind of stealthy drone built with "American taxpayer dollars."
V the K: (raising his hand) Question?
24 Producer: (rolling eyes) What is it, Mr the K?
V the K: "Why do they need to steal drones when the terrorists have already shown they have suicide bombers? We've seen they can pretty much fly helicopters anywhere they want, so we know there are no airspace restrictions in effect. So, wouldn't it be easier for them just to get a few Piper Cubs and ...Ow! Stop hitting me!

Back at the batcave, President Jim Belushi has a new aide, who looks like Sondra from Space 1999. Belushi is receiving the Ambassador from Durkadurkastan. The Ambassador and Bashir get along like Rosie and Donald. "I recognize Mr. Bashir. He's the terrorist who killed my seven year old son." "No, you're the terrorist," Bashir says. "Nunh Unh." "Unh Huh!" "You're fat!" "You have icky hair!" Belushi presents his "smarter, tougher" scheme to end terrorism. "Bashir will tell all the terrorists to disarm, chill, and open up 7-11's... and, voila, peace will rule." But his plan requires that all three of them go on TV and sing "Kum Ba Yah" together. The Ambassador balks, but then Belushi threatens to lock him in a Motel Six with his sister Cynthia McKinney Belushi for a 227 marathon. The ambassador collapses and begs for mercy. Belushi whacks him with his cell phone. Also at the batcave, Rodent Boy escorts the assassin, Random Task, through security. Their plan is simple: detonate the bomb when Bashir and Belushi are together. Make it look like one of those suicide bombings CAIR tells us never happen.

Back at CTU, Jack calls in from the Grand Mal hotel. He needs a helicopter to take to Chuck Logan's place in Hidden Valley, where the former president runs a successful ranch dressing business. It seems that after the former president assassinated David Palmer, conspired with terrorists to mass murder Americans, and attempted to murder his own SecDef, he was essentially sentenced to a "time-out." Chiggy agrees to send a chopper since Chuck "Obi-Wan" Logan is their last hope. As he leaves the hotel, Jack sees Patsy Ramsey Bauer and Jack Junior. Jack promises to explain everything to Jack Jr. when all this is over (in about 13 hours). That conversation will probably begin, "You see, when a man loves his brother's wife very much..."

4:16:55 to 4:23:38

Al Bundy has been trying to decode some hoosahmuhfudge from the Russian Safe House and failing. RPF suggests he tries reversing the polarity and triaxilating the subspace harmonics. "Of course, why didn't I think of that." Then she tells him he should call his sponsor. He says he already did. Then, RPF gets confronted by Awana Fuqya, who wants Al Bundy relieved from duty because she thinks he's been drinking. She also found a pack of cigarettes in Greg Brady's letterman jacket, and she's going to tattle about that, too.

Jack arrives at Hidden Valley Ranch after a semi-realistic 10-minute chopper ride. Obi-Wan Logan claims that the time-out worked, he's had time to think about what he has done, and he knows of someone who can help Jack recover the nukes, the Russian Consul, Ivana Jackoff. Jack scoffs, "CTU checked him out already." "He won't talk to you, but he'll talk to me," Obi-Wan says. Jack agrees to put on a suit and go with Obi-Wan to that "wretched hive of scum and villainy" known as the Russian Consulate,

4:28:03 to 4:34:58

Jack calls President Belushi. Belushi is not down with the plan because he thinks Obi-Wan will try to escape. Meanwhile, in the basement of the Batcave, Rodent Boy comes in, "Is it a bomb yet?" Random Task hits him with a wooden spoon. "It'll be ready when it's ready," Rodent Boy realizes the import of their plot. "Dude, we are like killing the president." "Dude," Random Task agrees. Then, they air guitar each other.

Back at CTU, Chiggy Killer is handing out assignments. "Bundy, you're out. RPF, take over for Bundy." But then, Bundy makes the Puss 'n' Boots face and Chiggy keeps him on, over the objections of Awana Fuqya, who thinks he has a drinking problem. "I do not have a drinking problem" Bundy insists as he dumps a glass of water into his eye socket.

4:39: 22 to 4:49:13

Awana Fuqya is still gunning for Bundy, and she's ready to nail him for not putting the right covers on his TPS reports. Then, RPF gets a call from Bundy's sponsor, and finds out he hasn't called her in like two years. So, then RPF busts in on him while he's on the toilet. "J'accuse!" she confronts him about lying about talking to his sponsor. "Wrong sponsor," he tells her. Chastened, she leaves, and we find out he really was drinking. Who cares? Why has valuable "Jack killing people" time been wasted with this stupid sub-plot?

Meanwhile, a naked Obi-Wan Logan talks to himself in the mirror. "Would you f**k me? I'd f**k me. I'd f**k me hard."

Back at the Batcave, Caged Weasel is coughing, so Rodent Boy takes pity on him, takes off his gag, spits on a handkerchief and wipes the smudges off his bald little head. He asks Weasel if he was ever really on their side. Weasel says no, so Rodent Boy bites him on the cheek and gives him rabies. RB then checks on Random Task, who has finished turning his tape recorder and two highlighters into a bomb, and hands it over to Rodent Boy to put on the president's podium.

4:53:35 to 4:59:59

So, Rodent Boy discreetly places the bomb in the podium. Bashir spots it before it goes off, but it explodes in to a "goodness gracious great ball of fire" probably large enough to wound the president without killing him, but good enough to put VP Jim Jones in charge of the country.Tick-Tock.