24 Update, B4B Style

03:00:00 to 03:09:46

OK, so we got Whistler trying to use nukes to start a war between the USA and "Arab Nations." We got Zefram Cochrane Bauer trying to kill Jack and Jack Jr. We got VP Jim Jones plotting to whack president Jim Belushi. And the question on everyone's mind... what the hell Britney? Why'd you shave your head?

Jack picks himself up after last week's explosion and follows in hot pursuit of Patsy Ramsey Bauer and Griff (Kemper). Zef's thugs call in and erroneously report in that Jack is dead. Zef orders them to take Patsy alive so he can find Whistler. Griff and Patsy hid behind a dumpster, and Griff tells Patsy to run while he gives her cover, but almost ends up sacrificing himself for nothing because the silly she-ho doesn't know the meaning of the word "run." Just as Zef's thugs are about to finish off Griff, Jack shows up and whacks one of the thugs, then he offs the other thug, and he's about whack off the third thug, but the thug surrenders. Jack takes a look at Griff's bullet wound and says, "Oh, Snap! Stop cryin', y'big sissy. Who d'ya think you are, Tonya harding?" Then, he turns the charm on Patsy, by which I mean he holds a gun to her face, and she starts singing like Roseanne Arnold. She tells Jack it was Zef who set up the exploding house deal and gives up Whistler's safe house -- 9124 Russian Safehouse Street -- and Jack passes it on to CTU.

"How could I have been so stupid," Jack asks himself, remembering that horrible Simpsons episode he did.


3:12:12 to 3:21:22

Back at CTU, everybody is rubbing it into Al Bundy about what a big hero Griff is, and Bundy goes off. "That's all I ever hear about, anymore. Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!" Also, Bundy and Griff had a long-standing bet that if Griff was ever a hero on the same day Bundy helped terrorists arm nukes, Bundy had to become Griff's slave-for-life.

Jack has Patsy call Zef and tell him she'll give up Whistler's location to him, but only in person so she knows Jack Jr is safe. At the Grandma (or Grand Mal) Hotel, Jack Jr is listening in as Zef talks to Patsy about whacking him off. Jack Jr is slightly perturbed by this and tries to escape, but Zef whips out a gun on him and tells him he'll do anything to preserve the family legacy... even if it means killing every possible heir to that legacy.


3:25:46 to 3:32:16

In the Batcave, Caged Weasel hands over President Belushi's itinerary to Rodent Boy. Rodent Boy is pleased, "Great, now all we need is for you to use your security code to get the assassin into the Batcave so he can whack off the president." Caged Weasel hesitates, "Won't using my security codes implicate, um, ME?" Rodent Boy shrugs it off, "Don't worry. We'll blame Richard Jewell."

Meanwhile, Whistler ... oh, who cares it's just a filler scene.

Back in La-La Land, Al Bundy has stepped out to the Kwik-E-Mart to pick up a Red Bull, a pint of Old MacCutcheon 60, and some Altoids. I swear I saw McGuyver make a potent explosive out of those same ingredients, once. Outside the Kwik-E-Mart, Bundy suddenly remembers the episode of the Simpsons Kiefer Sutherland was in and vomits. Just then, RPF calls him and tells him, "the tac team is about to whack off Whistler, and we need you at your station."

In the hotel parking lot, Jack hands Patsy Ramsey a bulletproof best. "Here, put this on." Fondly, she remembers Jack used those exact same words the night Jack Jr was conceived. Then, they head up to the hotel room accompanied by a man in handcuffs ... once again, just like the night Jack Jr was conceived.


3:36:44 to 3:46:57

At CTU, Al Bundy goes into the Infirmary to check on Griff. In the Batcave, Caged Weasel tries to warn security about the plot to assassinate the president, but Rodent Boy listens in and then whacks him with a flashlight, but does not off him.

CTU prepares to launch the operation against Whistler's safehouse. RPF smells alcohol on Al's breath, and can't seem to understand why a guy who was tortured with a power drill and forced to program a nuke for terrorists less than two hours ago might want to take a drink. She tells him to call his sponsor. "Verizon, Nissan, or '23' starring Jim Carrey?" (Heh.) The CTU tac team moves in on the safe house Patsy Ramsey identified, but of course it turns out to be empty.

Zef's hotel room also turns out to be empty when Jack and Patsy get inside. They get a call from Zef and see that Zef and Jack Jr are across the street standing on the roof, with Zef pointing a gun at Jack Jr's head. Jack offers to surrender himself in return for Jack Jr being let go. Zef agrees. Jack then punches out the terrorist thug. "You know, Zef has already paid for the room..." Patsy points out.


3:51:24 to 3:59:59

RPF tells Griff that Al took a drink, but he did not metabolize the alcohol, Clinton wishes he had thought of that one.

Back at the roof of the Grand Mal Hotel, Jack prepares to surrender himself in exchange for Jack Jr. He lifts his shirt to show he's not armed. Zef makes him turn around and show some ankle, then jiggle a little bit. Satisfied, he orders Jack to move forward while Jack Jr moves away. Zef gives Jack a spiel about "I'm a patriot," and "you abandoned me." yadda-yadda-yadda. Then, he orders Jack to get on his knees and prepare to be whacked. Jack seems almost relieved that he's about to die, gives some lame speech about how he never meant to let his father down, he was only trying to live up to his expectations. Jack faintly hears someone whisper, "Beam me up." When, he turns around, Zef is gone, leaving only a a cell phone. A number on the cell-phone reaches Ex-President Weasel from last season. He's looking a little grungy, and he's talking like a stoner explaining Pink Floyd's The Wall, but he claims he can help Jack get to Whistler, for some unspecified personal benefit.

Tick-Tock.

Valentines Shmalentines

OK, not to sound frickin bitter, but why in the hell is Valentine's Day more important than say your wedding anniversary, or a birthday, or I dunno, any day that's not made up Hallmark and pushed by the Chocolate and Flower Lobbyists?

Seriously, St. Valentine was a martyr, burned or cut up or something bad. Romantic? Awwwww, he's bright red! He's blushing. Ugh, he's bleeding, ewwwwww.

Not to sound upset. First, I'm single, Dee dee dee. Figured that out, right? No gal, but no problem. If you ain't found someone of interest, why pursue for the sake of status or some craptacular guilt trip to keep up with everyone else's relationship. Be your own person. To those who celebrate, have fun, enjoy the chocies and flowers, and that heart shaped sirloin at dinner. For those who think it's just any other day, you're right. If you're together with someone, make sure Valentine's Day is celebrated, but don't out due your anniversary. IF that happens, you might get your calls screened.

Nor, do you need to make up for it by dressing up as cupid in nothing but a frickin diaper. Thank God I never did that.

Anyway, rant over. Those in relations, keep celebrating each day as good as the next, without selling out to Hallmark. Those without, just be patient. Someday.

Holocaust scholar attacked in San Fran hotel.....tolerant libs strike again!

SAN FRANCISCO - In a bizarre attack, a well-known author and Holocaust scholar was dragged out of a San Francisco hotel elevator by an apparent Holocaust denier who reportedly had been trailing him for weeks.


Police escorted Elie Wiesel to San Francisco International Airport on Feb. 1 after a man accosted Wiesel in the elevator at the Argent Hotel, at 50 Third St., after Wiesel participated in a panel discussion at a peace conference and before Wiesel was scheduled to catch a flight back to New York.

Wiesel, a Holocaust survivor and author of more than 40 books, including the memoir “Night,” about his experiences at Auschwitz, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1986. Last fall, the Boston University professor was suggested as a possible replacement for Israeli President Moshe Katsav, who faces sexual assault charges.

Police confirmed this week that the attack took place and that officers escorted Wiesel to the airport following the attack. According to police, the suspect accosted Wiesel in the hotel elevator at around 6:30 p.m., saying he wanted to interview him. Wiesel said he would do the interview in the lobby. That’s when the attacker pulled him out of the elevator, police reported.

In a posting Tuesday on the anti-Zionist Web site ZioPedia, a writer using the name Eric Hunt takes credit for the attack: “After ensuring no women would be traumatized by what I had to do (I had been trailing Wiesel for weeks), I stopped the elevator at the sixth floor. I pulled Wiesel out of the elevator. I said I wanted to interview him.”

Wiesel grabbed at his chest and yelled for help, according to the posting. “I told him, ‘Why don’t you want people to know the truth?’ His expression changed, and he began screaming again. …” the posting reads.Police reported that the suspect tried to force Wiesel into one of the rooms, but ran away when Wiesel started yelling.

The online posting states that the writer intended to “bring Wiesel to my hotel room where he would truthfully answer my questions regarding the fact that his non-fiction Holocaust memoir, Night, is almost entirely fictitious.” Later in the posting, the Holocaust is portrayed as a “myth.”

Police haven’t officially idenitifed a suspect, but a source close to the investigation said Eric Hunt is the focus of their probe. Wiesel was in town to speak at the RockRose Institute’s World Conference 2007, Facing Violence, which addressed justice, religion and conflict resolution, according to its press release. The conference included former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and Juan Mendez, adviser to the U.N. secretary-general, in its list of speakers.

Hotel security alerted police following the incident, and officers from Southern Station arrived at the scene.

amartin@examiner.com

Examiner

Military Detractor Slammed by O Reilly and others.....

Bill O'Reilly Skewers NBC Military 'Expert'



Reprint Information
O'Reilly Skewers NBC Military 'Expert'

Report Says Pentagon Manipulated Pre-War Intel
Hillary Blasts 'Hate-Filled' Palestinian Texts
Gates: Proof Iran Is Helping Terrorists in Iraq
Walter Cronkite: Media Profits Threaten Freedom



A rabid left-wing, antiwar writer, William M. Arkin, billed as an expert on military affairs by the Washington Post and NBC News as a "military analyst,” has described U.S. troops in Iraq as "mercenaries” who are being spoiled rotten by U.S. taxpayers with the "obscene amenities” being sent them.


His comments have ignited a firestorm among fellow journalists who fully support and admire the men and women serving in harm’s way in Iraq and Afghanistan.


Arkin has become a prime target of Fox News Channel's Bill O’Reilly who has been crusading about media bias, and NBC's noticeable tilt to the left.


Columnist Michelle Malkin has called Arkin a "thug” and a "radical left wing loon.”


Writing in a Washington Post blog, in his "Early Warning: William M. Arkin on National and Homeland Security” column, Arkin took exception to American servicemen and women who dare to question the lack of support for the war by the folks back home.



Here’s part of what he wrote: "I've been mulling over an NBC Nightly News report from Iraq last Friday in which a number of soldiers expressed frustration with opposition to war in the United States.


"I'm sure the soldiers were expressing a majority opinion common amongst the ranks - that's why it is news . . . These soldiers should be grateful that the American public, which by all polls overwhelmingly disapprove of the Iraq war and the president's handling of it, do still offer their support to them, and their respect.


"Through every Abu Ghraib and Haditha, through every rape and murder, the American public has indulged those in uniform, accepting that the incidents were the product of bad apples or even of some administration or command order . . .


"So, we pay the soldiers a decent wage, take care of their families, provide them with housing and medical care and vast social support systems and ship obscene amenities into the war zone for them, we support them in every possible way, and their attitude is that we should, in addition, roll over and play dead, defer to the military and the generals and let them fight their war, and give up our rights and responsibilities to speak up because they are above society? . . .


". . . this NBC report is just an ugly reminder of the price we pay for a mercenary - oops sorry, volunteer - force that thinks it is doing the dirty work.”


Just who is this Bill Arkin, and where does he stand in the political spectrum?


According to the Washington Post, Arkin is a "former Army intelligence analyst and consultant.” Back in the 1970s Arkin served as Deputy Chief of Staff for Intelligence of the U.S. Commander in Berlin, Germany.


Pretty impressive background for someone claiming to be an expert on military affairs, but that’s only half the story. Not mentioned by the Post or NBC is his background as a member of a whole slew of ultra far-left groups.


Among his leftist affiliations:


The Institute for Policy Studies where he was director of the national security program and the Arms Race and Nuclear Weapons Research Project, 1981-1989. The IPS is known as a far-left Washington, DC-based think tank that describes itself as having "transformed ideas into action for peace, justice, and the environment for more than four decades.”


Greenpeace USA where he was political director from 1989-90; director of the nuclear information unit, and director of military research 1989-94)


National Resources Defense Council consultant to the nuclear program (1980)


Human Rights Watch, former military consultant (1994)

He was also military affairs columnist (2001-2004) at the liberal Los Angeles Times.


In a speech at the U.S. Naval War College on September 25, 2002. Arkin launched what the Weekly Standard described as a "lengthy and vitriolic attack on the Bush administration, where he admitted to feeling "cynical about the fact that we are going to war to enhance the economic interests of the Enron class," and declared that "the war against terrorism is overstated."


Wrote Hugh Hewitt in the Standard, Arkin "believed, in fact, that the war ‘is not the core United States national security interest today.’ He rhetorically asked the audience: ‘Aren't I just another leftist, self-hating American?’ and condemned the administration for taking ‘"enormous liberties with American freedoms.'"


Appearing on Fox News Channel's "The Big Story," an unapologetic Arkin told host John Gibson: "I'm not going to take back what I said . . . I write an opinion column, and one of the things that I wrote about was my own sense of a growing feeling of intolerance - amongst those who are in uniform and those who support the war - for any dissent. And the reaction to my piece proves my point."


"Let's remember one thing about the all-volunteer army,” Arkin continued, "this is the first war in 30 years since we've had an all-volunteer army that we're losing. They are hoping that the new strategy and new military leadership and a shot of adrenaline is going to make a difference, but there's not a soul who would claim that we are winning in Iraq.”


He then added a new slander of U.S troops – they don’t know what they’re talking about: "The reality is, people can support the troops and not support the war, and the fact that these guys in uniform don't understand that tells me that they are badly-schooled in the realities of American government and politics.”


All of this prompted Bill O’Reilly to hit the roof. On his Feb. 5 "O’Reilly Factor" broadcast the host stormed:

"In a stunning display of hatred, NBC News military analyst William Arkin wrote two Internet columns chastising members of the United States Armed Forces for daring to criticize civilian dissenters of the Iraq war.”

Said O’Reilly: "It is hard to believe that any responsible person would attack the military in this very personal way. Arkin implies that Abu Ghraib and Haditha define how Americans have performed in Iraq and flat out calls our military people mercenaries. That is folks who fight solely for money, have no patriotic intent at all.


"Ironically, the American military has fought for centuries to allow Arkin the right to say these vile things."


Arkin, O’Reilly said, "has been a military hater for some time. He wrote a book called 'Code Names,' where he exposed more than 3,000 coded titles, some of which were still classified. So there's no question, Arkin is an agenda driven guy. The question is why would the Washington Post and NBC News hire a person like Arkin?"


Fox commentator Michelle Malkin went O’Reilly one better during the show when she said "I think NBC News and the Washington Post and anyone who gives this man a platform ought to be very clear and transparent with the public about what he is. He's an intellectual coward. He's a thug. And he's a radical left-wing loon.”


Malkin, however, found a reason to be happy with Arkin’s shameful comments: "Let a thousand Arkins bloom so we can just see how naked their hatred of the troops is,” she suggested.


On that same show, retired Army Maj. General Bob Scales knew what to do about Arkin, telling O’Reilly, "I think we ought to have some sympathy for poor Mr. Arkin's problem. I think his problem is that he's envious of these obscene amenities that our young men and women are receiving in Iraq.


"I mean, we can fix this problem, Bill," Scales continued. "I mean, I know General Petraeus. I'm sure that we could find a way, find a billet for Mr. Arkin in Iraq somewhere, perhaps the 1st Brigade or the 3rd Infantry Division, off to this resort town called Ramadi, you know, with its condos."


Said O’Reilly: "Arkin would last about 15 seconds there.”

Pelosi wants a Queenly Jet, and Murtha backs her as a lacky

LINK: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2007/02/08/MNGN5O11UT1.DTL&type=printable

(02-08) 04:00 PST Washington -- The way Speaker Nancy Pelosi will travel home to San Francisco and on official business is the latest tempest to hit the House of Representatives.

The speaker of the House has been provided a jet from the government fleet to use for official business since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks because of security concerns.

Former Republican Speaker Dennis Hastert used a military 12-seat jet to carry him mainly from Washington's Andrews Air Force Base to airports near his home district in Chicago's suburbs.

Top House Republicans such as Minority Whip Roy Blunt of Missouri and Rep. Adam Putnam of Florida, chairman of the House Republican Conference, agree the speaker merits the use of a military jet for security reasons, but say Pelosi has been pressing the Pentagon to provide her with a bigger jet than used by Hastert so she can ferry family, other lawmakers and lobbyists across the country.

Pelosi and her staff scoff at the criticism, saying she has just asked the Pentagon for guidance because of the travel distance to California and even President Bush believes security concerns warrant military aircraft for her.

But Putnam said Pelosi's bid for a bigger plane, which he dubbed "Air Force Three,'' shows "an arrogance of office that just defies common sense'' and constitutes a major deviation from the previous speaker's perks. He argued that Pelosi should settle for a smaller plane even if it means having to stop for refueling while traveling to and from California.

Putnam, leading the Republican attack, said Pelosi should make public her flight itineraries and passenger lists on taxpayer-owned jets. The speaker's staff said such requests are premature because they are still trying to clarify the rules for using government planes.

Blunt said Pelosi wants a flying Lincoln bedroom, referring to the furor of the Clinton years when it was disclosed that big donors to President Bill Clinton got to sleep in the historic White House room.

"Our members are not persuaded by the argument that stopping to refuel on the way home will be too big a challenge,'' said Blunt.

Asked about the controversy, which arose after leaks from the Bush administration to the conservative Washington Times, Pelosi said her opponents are trying to stir up trouble where there is none.

She said Bill Livingood, the House sergeant-at-arms whom Hastert appointed to the job in 1995, was negotiating with the Air Force about what plane from the government fleet of passenger jets should be made available when she needs it. The plane also would be used on other government missions.

"It has everything to do with security,'' Pelosi said. She added that Bush had personally told her that because the speaker is second in line of presidential succession, behind Vice President Dick Cheney, he was concerned about her security.

That concern apparently included the desire that Pelosi's plane not land for refueling.

Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., the Pelosi ally who chairs the House military appropriations subcommittee, said he has spoken to Pentagon officials about the need to provide Pelosi with a bigger plane that can fly passengers coast to coast in comfort.

But he denied pressuring the Pentagon. "I don't need to pressure them. I just tell them what they need to do,'' Murtha said.

A statement from Livingood said that although Hastert used a military jet with a 2,000-mile range, the House bureaucracy is unsure of the rules for air travel. For instance, it isn't clear if Pelosi can carry staff, family or other members of Congress at government expense or whether she could use government planes for political travel.

No information was immediately available about the number of trips Hastert took in military aircraft nor the rules for their usage while he was speaker.

Livingood, a 31-year veteran of the Secret Service, said he was talking with the Air Force to work out guidelines for the speaker's flights. Pelosi's office received a letter from the Pentagon late Wednesday offering her the continued use of the plane used by Hastert and negotiations will continue, source said.

Navy Cmdr. Jefrey Gordon, a Pentagon spokesman, told the Associated Press Wednesday that Pelosi will be offered "shuttle service for no more than 10 passengers between Washington and San Francisco only based on aircraft availability."

"This does not guarantee nonstop transport," Gordon said.

Pelosi also said that her celebrity as the first female speaker has upgraded security concerns from the U.S. Capitol Police who guard her and other top congressional leaders. "As the first woman speaker they think there is a need for increased security,'' she said.

Wherever she goes, even within the Capitol, the speaker is accompanied by several plainclothes security officers.

Murtha said House speakers' use of military planes preceded Sept. 11, 2001. He said he had interceded on behalf of former Democratic Speakers Thomas "Tip" O'Neill and Jim Wright on occasion to get them access to military aircraft.

Murtha said he is convinced the Pentagon has been leaking information about the possibility that Pelosi would use large military planes to make her look bad. But he said, "They're making a mistake when they leak it because she decides on allocations for them,'' referring to the Pentagon budget.

Pelosi, who has served in the House since 1987, has customarily flown commercial flights on trips to and from California.

Her spokesman, Brendan Daly, said Pelosi has used a military craft once to fly to California and back since she became speaker in early January. Daly said he was uncertain what kind of aircraft Pelosi had flown in, but said it was a plane that Hastert had used as speaker.

Daly had no information on the cost of the flight.

Among the models in the Air Force fleet that Pelosi could use to fly nonstop to San Francisco is the C-37, a 16-seat business jet made by Gulfstream with a range of 5,600 miles.

The C-40B, a military version of the Boeing 737, was built especially to carry members of the Cabinet and Congress, Boeing says. What the company calls the flying "office in the sky" can carry 42 to 111 passengers, depending on its configuration.

The Air Force said the plane features "a crew rest area, distinguished visitor compartment with sleep accommodations, two galleys and business class seating with worktables.''

But Republicans charged that Pelosi would use the biggest aircraft available -- a C-32, which is a configuration of the Boeing 757 with a four-section passenger area. Daly also slammed GOP critics for the plane story, which has circulated on conservative talk radio and Internet blogs.

"They're trying to make something out of something that's not there. They have nothing else to talk about so they're making an issue of this,'' he said.

E-mail Edward Epstein at eepstein@sfchronicle.com.

Would Her Majesty also like a nice Gold Carriage with White Horses and the Hope Diamond in her crown? Oh wait, that's gonna be Queen Hillary when the lemmings try to get her into office.

this the new direction the Democrats want. Well, rather it's the old direction of their Tammany Hall tactics. Corruption, cronyism, and cockamamie antics.

Thanks for the new Congress, stupid voters.

Another 24 Update

B4B Style, thanks dudes.....

12:00:00 to 12:10:12

This episode opens with a reporter standing at the edge of Valencia, talking about how they think over 800,000,000 people are already dead, and survivors have gathered in the civic center and the Superdome, where they are believed to be resorting to cannibalism. Back in the Batcave, Caged Weasel is trying to get President Chappelle to sign off on an executive order essential imposing Martian Law!! Chapelle asks for his cabinet to convene in thirty minutes, and wants clarification on whether under Martian Law, doctors and other wizards will be forbidden. (By the way, cell phones seem to work perfectly well in the Batcave.)

Chiggy and Russet Potato Face (RPF) are worried that Jack is out of contact. "It's his network," Chiggy explains. "He switched from Verizon to Cingular because Steve Jobs incoroporated a Death Ray into the iPhone, but unfortunately, his coverage sucks."

Meanwhile, Jack and his Dad, Zephram Cochrane, are in a van with a couple of thugs who don't know that they're about to die. One of the thugs whom I shall call Marcellus (because he looks like a b*tch) tells Rocket Romano (via cell phone, the Verizon network is incredibly resilient to nuclear blasts) that he'll soon kill Jack, and Rocket Romano promises to return the suitcase that has his soul in it. Zephram Cochrane apologizes to Jack, "I kinda knew all along your brother was evil, but, you know, I just never had time to deal with it. You know, cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon and all that." Jack is not in a forgiving mood. "You can shove little boy blue and the man in the moon up your ass."

The van arrives at an old abandoned quarry and Marcellus orders them out of the van. He indicates a freshly dug grave and orders them on their knees. "I don't swing that way," Jack says, and some violence ensues, and Zephram Cochrane offs Marcellus and the other thug. "Oh, Snap! Dad, I barely got to torture them," Jack pouts.

Meanwhile, Tom Willis and the Suspicious Bimbo are in a motel room. Tom Willis has found a man who can program the nuke, but he won't work willingly. "He'll need to be coerced," he tells Imhotep.

12:15:35 to 12:23:29

Chiggy and Token Chick have intercepted Tom Willis and Imhotep's call. There was also an image in the stream, which Al Bundy is working on recovering. Back at Casa Bauer, Jack and the assault team, prepare to move in. Jack tells his dad, "This warp drive invention of yours is amazing. We actually made it to my brother's house before we left the quarry." Inside the house, Rocket Romano, Patsy Ramsey Bauer, and Jack "Wesson Oil" Junior are having an argument. Rocket Romano wants to have Family Home Evening, but Patsy Ramsey points out that it's noon... and they're not Mormons. Just then, the door explodes, and a heavily armed SWAT Team moves in.

While Rocket Romano is pinned to the floor, Jack and Patsy Ramsey go into the kitchen for a quickie nooner. Then Jack offers to protect Jack Junior, and Patsy Ramsey... the only character who seems to have paid attention during the last six seasons... freaks out. "No," she cries. "I want him to live!" Jack sends them to CTU and goes back into the house to torture his brother.

12:27:54 to 12:36:06

Jack brandishes a syringe in front of Rocket Romano, "This is pure bile, extracted from a gland at the back of James Carville's mouth, which he spits to blind his prey." He explains what it will feel like when it is injected, "It's like having battery acid poured on your brain while listening to Rosie O'Donnell sing 'I Touch Myself.'"

Rocket Romano confesses that he was the one who whacked David Palmer, Michelle Dressler, and Tony Almeda. But, he did it all for the good of his country... France. This makes Jack angry, and he's about to kill Rocket Romano, but his father intervenes, for reasons that shall become obvious later.

12:40:33 to 12:46:05

Al Bundy is having little success decrypting the image. He downloads the latest version of Microsoft NSA Image Decorrupter and promptly crashes the entire CTU network. This helps delay the image until the end of the hour climax.

Meanwhile, Zephram Cochrane Bundy is deserving a little homily on how their family sucks. {Maybe I should have nicknamed him Al Bundy.} Jack wishes he could be a better man. "Don't try to be a great man," his father counsels. "Just be a man and let history decide."

12:50:32 to 12:59:59

On Air Force 2, Vice President Jim Jones approves of the president's plan to impose Martian Law. President Chapelle has reconsidered the proposal, and after talking to his sister Cynthia McKinney and her boyfriend Gee Wally, he will not impose Martian law. He then delivers a suck-up line to CAIR about Muslims being "America's Little Dumplings."

Al Bundy leaves CTU to visit his brother in the hospital. Then, MS NSA ID works its stuff, and reveals the image from Tom Willis's cell phone... it's Kim Bauer in a skimpy bikini. OK, it was actually, Al Bundy. Chiggy calls Jack, they connect to Al Bundy and tell him to come back to CTU, but it's too late, Tom Willis pulls up, shoots him a few times, then cuffs him in the back of his late model Buick. Tom Willis calls Imhotep and tells him he's got the shoe salesman, I mean engineer, Imhotep was looking for.

Back at Casa Bauer, Rocket Romano talks to Zephram Cochrane. Rocket Romano indicates that he hasn't told Jack everything and he's still covering up for the family. Zephram Cochrane is so happy he injects the rest of the Carville venom into Rocket Romano's IV and covers his mouth and nose until he stops struggling. He then calls in the CTU Team and, in another sign of CAIR's influence on the 24 creative process, feigns outrage.

Tick-Tock.