24 Summary 10 am-10:59 am
Well, it's official. Jack is back in his ass kicking mode. Took an atomic bomb to do it, buuuuut, he's back.
OK, President Limpwrist is fretting over his sagging polls and what his legacy will be. Sound familiar? Frau Blucher (horse neighs in background) is still flabbergasted at the mushroom cloud over LA. Daaaang!
Back at CTU, Chigs is in shock that the Redshirt SWAT dorks were wasted in a nuke blast, as was Ward Cleaver, and Jeebs the terrorist. Meanwhile, Imhotep is hauling ass through suburbia and about to run over kids and parents fleeing the A-bomb cloud. What, no duck and cover?
Jack has to help the Eye in the Sky chopper survivor get his live buddy out and the body of his dead pal. Jack gets live guy out, but the chopper and dead guy fall off the roof and chopper blows up. Jack gets a call from Chigs, who annoyingly asks, 'Um Jack, I thought you were done?'
Jack responds, "OH HELL NO, I AM NOT DONE! I BEEN TORTURED, HAD TO BITE OUT A DUDE'S NECK! I SHOT CURTIS! PUKED! ALMOST WENT WUSS! AND NOW A BOMB WENT OFF! NO, I'M NOT DONE! THEY ARE! GET ME A CAR AND SOME GEAR! AND, I WILL NEED A HACKSAW!" 'OK, bye. psycho...."
Russett Potato Face, aka Chloe, is wondering why everyone she knows is dying around her. Morris hears this and scoots his chair AWAY. He answers, 'Well, babe, life's just quirky like that. And we work at Inetech. PC Load Letter, WTF does that mean!' Chigs calls his wife, yes he's married to Frau Blucher, (neighs into phone, Chigs is puzzled) She says, 'Yeah we're moving into Der Bunker, and I think unless Dave Chappelle isn't gutless, we're going to war. The meatloaf is in the fridge. Kisses, bye.' Meanwhile Limpwrist, The Frau, and Karl Rove are plotting what to do next.
Back in LA, Jack is on the phone to CTU to find leads on the terrorists and find colleagues. As he's doing this, Imhotep calls his British weapons supplier, Eddie Izzard clone, and yells at him. Eddie fires back, "Look, no one said nuke LA! Dammit! I said nuke Hollywood! Sheesh, follow frickin orders don't you!" Imhotep, 'Shut it you tranny! Now, listen, if I pay you double what our agreement was, can you get me a new engineer?' "Sure, why?" 'My old engineer Jeebs was atomized, DUH!' So back to CTU, Chloe and Morris are finding names. Soon, hot Arab CTU gal walks by and they see names. Russian General, yeah. OJ's lawyer, of course, Dick Cheney, and Philip Bauer (Jack Bauer's dad)- Music grows louder. "You tell Jack!", Chloe says. 'Oh bloody hell no! You do it!', Morris yells. "One of you assholes tell him! OK, fine, I guess I'LL DO IT!" Chigs Buchanan finally relents. Jack is told his dad may have dealt with terrorists and Jack gets mad.
Now, outside DC, Wally Wally is being held in a detention center by the FBI. All the while his dumb girlfriend, Cynthia McKinney gets attitude. 'Oh, I know you DID NOT have Wally wear a wire and talk to dem terrorists!' as she jerks her head side to side. FBI guy, 'Shut it lady, he's gonna talk to them, we just gotta get the wire on him, first.' "And how you gonna do that? Un-huh?" 'Agents, prepare operation Schoolyard Humiliation........
So the agents shove Wally around, seeing he's not being talked to by the jihadists, and they push him into a stall. Swirlie! Swirlie! Swirlie! So, Wally gets yelled at, punched, and 2-way Beltones is put in his ear for the FBI to use. All the while, Cynthia McKinney is pissed. FBI guy is ready to use his gun, on her.
Back in LA, Jack calls dad's house and Paul Lynde answers. Lynde, "Heya Jackie, aintcha dead?" 'No, got out of China, long story, where's dad?' "Oh he left, probably for Fire Island, that tease. LEft his cell phone too. Hey Jack, you've been in prison, what do you do if you have an itch that...." 'Oh sorry, Paul, cccrrrrr, line's going out, bye!' Jack hangs up before Lynde, Philip's man servant gets too graphic.... So, Jack calls his brother, Gray, who is Rocket Romano, aka Graham of the Blue Tooth Mafia. So Romano answers, and is shocked, "Jack? What the fu.... hey, bro! How are ya! Thought you were in China, for life.... yeah. So, how was prison?" 'Dude, shut up! Where IS DAD?' "Oh Dad, he probably went out with someone for the weekend. Since he and mom broke up, he's playing the whole field. Kind of weird, hey, I got shit to do, um...." 'No you don't Gray, and if you hang up, it's gonna be Hurts Donut time all over again! I'll talk to you later, bye.' We see Romano, Stewie Griffin clone, now has a hot wife and kid that looks like the inbred banjo kid from Deliverance. Banjo kid says, 'Hey Dyaad, did you see dat dere big ass mushroom?' "Yes I did, don't worry, Dad's gonna keep you all safe." 'Oh yeah, sure, Graham. You couldn't keep a secret safe, let alone keep me and Jack from (slides finger in and out of hole made by other fingers)' Stewie gets mad, but doesn't care.
Meanwhile, in DC, Limpwrists writers are heard at work for a damage control speech. You can't say atomic bomb! That's too inflammatory! Of course you can, it went off, brain trust! So, they write a speech. Frau Blucher is nervous and Karl Rove is jotting down plans for new concentration camps and a I HATE KAREN HAYES slogan on his sketch pad.
Back to LA, Imhotep calls Eddie Izzard, who's just picked up a hot blonde chick. Not a hooker, but his girlfriend. Imhotep has Eddie call around. Sorry hon, plans changed, we're not going to Vegas, we're staying here in Fall out LA. Ohhhhh, you suck!
Jack now shows up at Stewie Griffin's house, unexpectedly, after having CTU star 69 Graham's telephone. So, Jack walks in. Romano bitches about Jack not being around in 9 years, and Jack shuts the door and locks it. Meanwhile wife is mad at Jack, 'You were a bad lay! Leave!' "Hey, I was the best you had!" 'Not you Jack, I'm talking to cue ball!' "I've got your money, so bite me!" 'Hey, Ralph and Alice, shut it, I gotta talk to Ralphie boy here. Hi nephew who looks like the Deliverance kid!' "howdy, unc!"
Jack and Stewie go into the nice home office, and Jack locks that door behind him. So Stewie acts like he doesn't know where Philip Bauer is. JAck can tell he sucks at lying, and knocks him out. Jack them ties him to a chair with a lamp cord, and gets.... THE COMFY PILLOW! "No one can ever resist The Spanish Inquisition!" Jack loudly procclaims. 'NO! Not the Spanish Inquisition! You're hurting me!' "Trust me, I'm not! OK, noogies!" Owwww!, as Jack starts giving Graham noogies, hurts donuts, and then wraps a plastic bag over his huge bald head.
To be continued......
OK, President Limpwrist is fretting over his sagging polls and what his legacy will be. Sound familiar? Frau Blucher (horse neighs in background) is still flabbergasted at the mushroom cloud over LA. Daaaang!
Back at CTU, Chigs is in shock that the Redshirt SWAT dorks were wasted in a nuke blast, as was Ward Cleaver, and Jeebs the terrorist. Meanwhile, Imhotep is hauling ass through suburbia and about to run over kids and parents fleeing the A-bomb cloud. What, no duck and cover?
Jack has to help the Eye in the Sky chopper survivor get his live buddy out and the body of his dead pal. Jack gets live guy out, but the chopper and dead guy fall off the roof and chopper blows up. Jack gets a call from Chigs, who annoyingly asks, 'Um Jack, I thought you were done?'
Jack responds, "OH HELL NO, I AM NOT DONE! I BEEN TORTURED, HAD TO BITE OUT A DUDE'S NECK! I SHOT CURTIS! PUKED! ALMOST WENT WUSS! AND NOW A BOMB WENT OFF! NO, I'M NOT DONE! THEY ARE! GET ME A CAR AND SOME GEAR! AND, I WILL NEED A HACKSAW!" 'OK, bye. psycho...."
Russett Potato Face, aka Chloe, is wondering why everyone she knows is dying around her. Morris hears this and scoots his chair AWAY. He answers, 'Well, babe, life's just quirky like that. And we work at Inetech. PC Load Letter, WTF does that mean!' Chigs calls his wife, yes he's married to Frau Blucher, (neighs into phone, Chigs is puzzled) She says, 'Yeah we're moving into Der Bunker, and I think unless Dave Chappelle isn't gutless, we're going to war. The meatloaf is in the fridge. Kisses, bye.' Meanwhile Limpwrist, The Frau, and Karl Rove are plotting what to do next.
Back in LA, Jack is on the phone to CTU to find leads on the terrorists and find colleagues. As he's doing this, Imhotep calls his British weapons supplier, Eddie Izzard clone, and yells at him. Eddie fires back, "Look, no one said nuke LA! Dammit! I said nuke Hollywood! Sheesh, follow frickin orders don't you!" Imhotep, 'Shut it you tranny! Now, listen, if I pay you double what our agreement was, can you get me a new engineer?' "Sure, why?" 'My old engineer Jeebs was atomized, DUH!' So back to CTU, Chloe and Morris are finding names. Soon, hot Arab CTU gal walks by and they see names. Russian General, yeah. OJ's lawyer, of course, Dick Cheney, and Philip Bauer (Jack Bauer's dad)- Music grows louder. "You tell Jack!", Chloe says. 'Oh bloody hell no! You do it!', Morris yells. "One of you assholes tell him! OK, fine, I guess I'LL DO IT!" Chigs Buchanan finally relents. Jack is told his dad may have dealt with terrorists and Jack gets mad.
Now, outside DC, Wally Wally is being held in a detention center by the FBI. All the while his dumb girlfriend, Cynthia McKinney gets attitude. 'Oh, I know you DID NOT have Wally wear a wire and talk to dem terrorists!' as she jerks her head side to side. FBI guy, 'Shut it lady, he's gonna talk to them, we just gotta get the wire on him, first.' "And how you gonna do that? Un-huh?" 'Agents, prepare operation Schoolyard Humiliation........
So the agents shove Wally around, seeing he's not being talked to by the jihadists, and they push him into a stall. Swirlie! Swirlie! Swirlie! So, Wally gets yelled at, punched, and 2-way Beltones is put in his ear for the FBI to use. All the while, Cynthia McKinney is pissed. FBI guy is ready to use his gun, on her.
Back in LA, Jack calls dad's house and Paul Lynde answers. Lynde, "Heya Jackie, aintcha dead?" 'No, got out of China, long story, where's dad?' "Oh he left, probably for Fire Island, that tease. LEft his cell phone too. Hey Jack, you've been in prison, what do you do if you have an itch that...." 'Oh sorry, Paul, cccrrrrr, line's going out, bye!' Jack hangs up before Lynde, Philip's man servant gets too graphic.... So, Jack calls his brother, Gray, who is Rocket Romano, aka Graham of the Blue Tooth Mafia. So Romano answers, and is shocked, "Jack? What the fu.... hey, bro! How are ya! Thought you were in China, for life.... yeah. So, how was prison?" 'Dude, shut up! Where IS DAD?' "Oh Dad, he probably went out with someone for the weekend. Since he and mom broke up, he's playing the whole field. Kind of weird, hey, I got shit to do, um...." 'No you don't Gray, and if you hang up, it's gonna be Hurts Donut time all over again! I'll talk to you later, bye.' We see Romano, Stewie Griffin clone, now has a hot wife and kid that looks like the inbred banjo kid from Deliverance. Banjo kid says, 'Hey Dyaad, did you see dat dere big ass mushroom?' "Yes I did, don't worry, Dad's gonna keep you all safe." 'Oh yeah, sure, Graham. You couldn't keep a secret safe, let alone keep me and Jack from (slides finger in and out of hole made by other fingers)' Stewie gets mad, but doesn't care.
Meanwhile, in DC, Limpwrists writers are heard at work for a damage control speech. You can't say atomic bomb! That's too inflammatory! Of course you can, it went off, brain trust! So, they write a speech. Frau Blucher is nervous and Karl Rove is jotting down plans for new concentration camps and a I HATE KAREN HAYES slogan on his sketch pad.
Back to LA, Imhotep calls Eddie Izzard, who's just picked up a hot blonde chick. Not a hooker, but his girlfriend. Imhotep has Eddie call around. Sorry hon, plans changed, we're not going to Vegas, we're staying here in Fall out LA. Ohhhhh, you suck!
Jack now shows up at Stewie Griffin's house, unexpectedly, after having CTU star 69 Graham's telephone. So, Jack walks in. Romano bitches about Jack not being around in 9 years, and Jack shuts the door and locks it. Meanwhile wife is mad at Jack, 'You were a bad lay! Leave!' "Hey, I was the best you had!" 'Not you Jack, I'm talking to cue ball!' "I've got your money, so bite me!" 'Hey, Ralph and Alice, shut it, I gotta talk to Ralphie boy here. Hi nephew who looks like the Deliverance kid!' "howdy, unc!"
Jack and Stewie go into the nice home office, and Jack locks that door behind him. So Stewie acts like he doesn't know where Philip Bauer is. JAck can tell he sucks at lying, and knocks him out. Jack them ties him to a chair with a lamp cord, and gets.... THE COMFY PILLOW! "No one can ever resist The Spanish Inquisition!" Jack loudly procclaims. 'NO! Not the Spanish Inquisition! You're hurting me!' "Trust me, I'm not! OK, noogies!" Owwww!, as Jack starts giving Graham noogies, hurts donuts, and then wraps a plastic bag over his huge bald head.
To be continued......
posted by NDwalters @ 6:16 AM
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