Not So Young But Angry Conservatives Unite

Getting sick of the progressively worse slant and obvious bias of the media? Got booted out of other sites for offending too many liberals? Make this your home. If you SPAM here, you're gone. Trolling? Gone. Insult other posters I agree with. Gone. Get the pic. Private sanctum, private rules. No Fairness Doctrine and PC wussiness tolerated here..... ECCLESIASTES 10:2- The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of a fool to the left.

Monday, January 15, 2007

My 24 Summary

6am-6:59am summary

OK, it's 6 am, and unusually dark in LA. We see the fruits of the new Congress, terrorism everywhere! Just kidding, but it's bad, and it's been nonstop for 11 weeks or so. A Middle Eastern guy is getting looks, while everyone is watching the news. 'Whaaaaat? I didn't do anything. You're mean...' he's thinking. ME guy wants to get on a bus, but Ralph Kramden won't let him on. ME guy is yelling, 'I'm gonna be late to work at Inetech! And my name is Nainanajar, Na-ina-na-jar! Piece of sh-t! Argh!' The bus gets a block or so down the street, as an Asian guy turns on his ipod, and after one too many hits of Taylor Hicks, it blows up and triggers C-4, taking out him, Taylor, Ralph Kramden, and 3 dozen others.

In DC, it's 9 am, and very much light. President Palmer, Wayne Palmer, is fretting over this attack, and one the day before in San Antonio. His advisers include Frau Blucher (hourse outside neighs), aka Karen Hayes the National Security Advisor(Hughes?), the little curly haired guy from Ally McBeal, we'll call him Stenko for now, a couple of no-name generals, and the Secret Service, minus Agent Red. And nowhere is seen Mike Novick or Secretary Heller. Defense and a veteran aid are needed, hello? Stenko advises the US detain the ME types in detention centers, they're not concentration camps! No Germans are near em, so we're clear. Frau Blucher, (horse neighs), speaks. She's against it as this will bite us in the butt, look at the Civil War and WWII internments.... No alternatives, apparently. Except, CTU is all over it, and President Wayne is expecting a call from them.....

Now, we're back in LA, at CTU. Milo from season 1 is the head IT guy at CTU, and he's got the Michael Bolton(Office Space guy) Complex. Stuff is going wrong. 'PC Load Letter, what the f-ck does that mean?! Chloe, Morris, help now!' Chloe is now HOT! WTF, you may think, but she is. And her ex, Morris, is at CTU also. SPorting his English accent. Now, we've got Hot ME CTU Director here, and she knows Jack Bauer is coming back to the US. The Chinese are handing him over to us. What was their rationale? 'After a few hours, we felt empty and ready for more. His torture last longer than full stomach after MSG food.'

Jack comes back, on a Chinese transport, looking like a cross between Castaway and Dee Snider. He's twitching, he's got more scars than a plastic surgery junkie, a gnarly burned hand, and is staring off. Chiggie Killer and Cola show up. COla is ready to bust a cap if Jack gets cute. Chigs and Cola tell Jack, he's back, and he is free so a terrorist he bumped uglies with can kill him, and if he kills Jack, he will disclose the whereabouts of boss, Yasser Arafat. Sorry, his name's Assad. Asshead, whatever. Jack is given a major haircut, shower, and clean change of clothes from Kohl's.

Jack's arrival is told to Chloe who gets weepy and wants to save Jack. I think she's got a crush and wants some Bauer Power. 2 years in prison, he's gotta be ready to reclaim some turf. Audrey, watch out! 2 years in prison, no bitchy comments from Kim. Wew, aw scheisse, my peace and quiet is over! Damn! Kill me now!

At the White House, Frau Blucher (horse neighs, staffers are puzzled at the horse in the West Wing, oddly used to the jackasses in it though) calls Chigs and they talk. She's worried about the camps and the plan to kill Assad. Chigs is worried Jack may go off. And both talk in baby talk. 'Miss you pumpkin.' 'Miss you two, silver hair.' Chiggy remembers to save her new number, and stop calling Blucher's 1-900 number.

At this time, the FBI is given powers to arrest ANYONE that Stenko and the govment may find a threat. Haji is now nervous when he goes to the airport as Dr. Quest, Johnny and Race whisper to the FBI, 'Dude, he's in a turban. I know it looks like he's Sikh, but dude, get him....' Johnny's still made about what Haji did to Bandit. Bandit still ain't walkin right.

Jack is riding through a bright and sunny LA, even after the dark disappears, and is commenting on how torture wasn't as bad as watching The View. Then Chigs and Cola get a call from President Palmer, who talks to Jack. He then tells him, sorry Jack, but you're gonna be the sacrificial lamb. Jack retorts, you know what they do to lambs over there, before they kill em' right? It's baaaaad. Noooooo. Palmer thinks about it and feels pity for Jack being treated like a sheep in the ME, but it's either Jack's ass or millions of asses on the line. Jack agrees, whatever dude, let's do it.

CTU then hands off Jack to the terrorists. Chigs and Cola are about to cry and share a man hug, but drive off. They get back to CTU, in LA, no traffic. Imagine that! At the White House, Stenko and Palmer are getting the Marines Cobra choppers ready for attack on Assad, once they get the coordinates. COBRA!!!!

Now, in Suburbia, we have a nuclear family. Mom, dad, and a skater kid teenager. Bam Marjera is seeing a Ford pull up to their neighbor's house. The neighbor is Arab, so naturally he's hauled off in a hood and in cuffs. Bam is upset, and yells, "Phil! They're taking Kumar's dad! WTF is this?" 'Bam, it's probably one of your jackass episodes, so don't worry.' "Dad, the FB freakin I took Kumar's dad! That's f-cked up!" 'OK, let's see what's up with Kumar, son. No more fireworks at night!' "Oh OK." As Bam lights a fuse. Kumar, a Behrooz clone, sees his dad driven off, then his redneck neighbor, Dauber and a flunky show up. They start pounding on the door, and are about to give Kumar Deliverance Treatment, when Phil surges in and kicks ass! All the time April Marjera is trying to shoo another alligator out of the kitchen, as Johnny and Dunn laugh off camera. Phil sumos Dauber, as the flunky watches. He tells Dauber to leave, or he's gonna get mean. Dauber leaves, for now. Kumar and Bam share a moment and they invite Kumar to chill in the Marjera home til things cool off.

Chloe is watching this and wants to help. But Hot ME CTU boss is pissed, as is Buchanan. If CTU tracks the terrorists, they won't help us killed Big Badder Terrorist. Palmer let em hack into our surveillance as a guarantee.

Meanwhile, back at terrorist lair, head terrorist, tortures Jack. Terrorist Baldie says Jack tortured his brother to death and wants to give Jack is comeuppance. Baldie slices into Jack's shoulder, hitting a bundle of nerves, pokes his spinal nerves with a corkscrew, and makes Jack watch The View Gone Wild videos. Now Jack screams at Rosie O'Donnell doing a raunchy dance. As this happens, the villain, stupidly tells Jack he's setting up Assad to take the fall for his antics. And Assad is trying to stop him from having any fun. Thanks for helping me kill the good guy, jackass! Ugh, Jack thinks as he passes out.

This bald guy then gives CTU the coordinates, after the satellite feed is killed. Baldie Calls Kumar and tells him to get 'the package' ready. Kumar is pissed that his dad was captured and he can't talk to loud as Bam is about to play a bad joke on April, again. And this time Wee Man is helping. Hehe, midgets are funny.

As bald guy leaves Jack alone with a nameless guard, Jack takes a bite out of crime and terrorist boy's neck! As Jack turns into one of The Lost Boys, he tears out a dude's jugular, let's him bleed, the guy dies and goes limp. hehe, he said limp. And Jack is one.....

Bald Baddie is pissed and has his guys search an air vent. Jack in a storm drain, is now waiting to kick some ass......

Wait til next hour!!!!


  • At 9:08 PM, Blogger Mooneyguy said…

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