8-859 Sum Up
8am-859am
Jack and his pal Assad, aka Asshead to others are following Jarrett The Unsuccessful Subway Bomber's handler. Jack and Asshead are in touch with CTU. CTU amazed Jack is still alive, and that he hasn't wasted MORE PEOPLE. Yet.
At the White House President Palmer, Stenko and Frau Blucher (horse neighs) go over Asshead's non-demise, Jack being one of the Lost Boys again, and how to stop Baldie, aka Imhotep The Terrorist. They are in touch with Chiggy and Hot ME Chick, as Morris is verbally gutting Milo the Tech kid. Chloe has to step in rather than see Morris dress down the kid. Chloe prefers that for another time......
They are being asked by Jack to track Imhoteps flunky since their Toyota Hybrid sucks ass for a pursuit car and oddly enough IS NOT blending in with the rest of California. Theirs is the only car under a decade old not playing Latino music loudly..... had to do that, sorry. Well not really.
So Jack, has Asshead drop him off. Jack then bitch slaps Harvey Fierstein and takes his white Jeep. OJ all the while pleading for some to steal and burn his white Bronco and the evidence! 'Thanks for nothing, honkey!' Jack flicks off OJ and heads to cut off the flunky. We then see The All State Guy talk about Scoop and Squat, as Jack T-bones the flunky, and Asshead is a safe distance behind, in the hybrid. So oddly enough Jack, doesn't ass punch the guy, he just yells, 'No habla ingles! No insurancio, no policia. Adios, pendejo!' and drives off. So, Asshead, offers to give flunky a ride to where ever.
Jack is now to meet up with his boy Cola, and then they're gonna beat that ass. Jack tells Cola he's working with Asshead. Cola gets the look you'd get if Helen Thomas went topless. Ugh.... but Cola drives with Jack. Curtis then starts to hum some Method Man, and Jack is now worried.
Meanwhile back at Jackass House, Bam and April are being held hostage by Kumar, and so is Phil. Phil is told to run errands for Kumar, whose leg was cut when Dauber tossed him into a glass coffee table, before Kumar delivered the Mozambique Drill to Dauber. Kumar has April patch him up as he holds a shaking gun at Bam. Weeman and Johnny and Dunn left. Bam, curses them for being a bunch of bitches. So, Phil is to go drop off the package Kumar took out of the wall. Off goes Phil out of Suburbia, leaving Bam and April to Kumar's mercy and the Alligator on the floor.
At the White House, President Palmer agrees to Imhotep's latest demand. Free 100 Al Qaeda guys and put them on a plane to meet him, or more American will die. So, President Palmer turns into Little Richard and just agrees. Stenko is pissed, and even Frau Blucher (horse neighs) is miffed.
At this time, the prisoners are being put onto busses. And also, Palmer's stupid sister, Cynthia McKinney Crackwhore Clone, is being beligerent and hauled off with her big Muslim Boss to a concentration camp, oops, detainment center. Ze Kommandant takes Cynthia McKinney to his office, as Der SS beat up Big Muslim Guy. Now, Cynthia calls her bro. Instead, she gets Stenko and threatens to go Valerie Plame on him. So Stenko says go stuff your cigar, Monica, and hangs up. Then he goes back into the Oval Office, acting normal.
Bacardi and Cola are en route to nail the flunky. Cola is none too pleased with having to work with Asshead. Chloe is now called to see why Cola is pissed at Asshead. Chloe works as Morris and Michael Bolton, aka Milo continue their pissing contest. Morris is winning, cause he drank more beer the night before. And Michael, well, he was a lightweight. Loser!
Kumar wants water. Bam backwashes in it, and is about to stab Kumar with a butter knife, but remembers it's now dulled after him and Weeman and Dunn had a knife war. Stupid, he thinks to himself and sits down, as Phil is sent to go get the part. Phil is told, 'You get the part, after delivering the package! And on the way back, get me some White Castles! Bitch!' So Phil, arrives to see Kumar's bud, Van Wilder. Van wants more money, and Phil has to kill him and get the part for Kumar, or let Bam and Ape die. Damn, tough choice. Nah, Phil says as he smashes Van Wilder's head into mush!
Jack, Asshead, Cola, and a team of nameless CTU SWAT guys follow the flunky to the neighborhood Public Storage. No one bothers to check his storage unit, but he has plastique stowed there, Kalashnikovs, grenades, and a bunch of Korans. Wow, what a scion of the community he is. He's inside the unit, calling Imhotep to get more electronics for their nefarious bomb plot, mwahahaha. However, a SWAT guy steps on a cat's tail, and the shooting begins. Another nameless CTU guy is taken out. Jack and Cola are shooting the place up, Wild Bunch style, and wound the flunky. The flunky pulls out a nade, grenade, and yanks out the pin, blowing up his storage unit, the C-4, his Qurans, and himself. No 72 virgins for you! For you have blown up Qurans, instead of the Jew Bibles or Torahs! Bad terrorist! Do not pass go, do not collect $500! And we hear the broken-voiced teenage worker from the Simpsons stammer out, 'HEY! You owe us more than your deposit for this mess! I'm telling!'
President Palmer heard about the mission problems, and agrees to let the 100 freedom fighters (Stenko loudly coughs- BULLSH-T) and even Frau Blucher (horse neighs) is not happy. And now the prisoners are ready to be freed. Imhotep wants one of them in particular, and CTU knows he's a little nuke scientist. They try to nail Apu, but a bad guy guard let him off. Now, it's PRISON BREAK all over again.
At this time, Phil has killed Kumar's part buddy. The part is for a nuclear bomb, which the escaped little nuke scientist Apu needs, and Imhotep needs to set off a weapon. Now Imhotep raises his pinky to his mouth, and laughs.
To be continued.
Jack and his pal Assad, aka Asshead to others are following Jarrett The Unsuccessful Subway Bomber's handler. Jack and Asshead are in touch with CTU. CTU amazed Jack is still alive, and that he hasn't wasted MORE PEOPLE. Yet.
At the White House President Palmer, Stenko and Frau Blucher (horse neighs) go over Asshead's non-demise, Jack being one of the Lost Boys again, and how to stop Baldie, aka Imhotep The Terrorist. They are in touch with Chiggy and Hot ME Chick, as Morris is verbally gutting Milo the Tech kid. Chloe has to step in rather than see Morris dress down the kid. Chloe prefers that for another time......
They are being asked by Jack to track Imhoteps flunky since their Toyota Hybrid sucks ass for a pursuit car and oddly enough IS NOT blending in with the rest of California. Theirs is the only car under a decade old not playing Latino music loudly..... had to do that, sorry. Well not really.
So Jack, has Asshead drop him off. Jack then bitch slaps Harvey Fierstein and takes his white Jeep. OJ all the while pleading for some to steal and burn his white Bronco and the evidence! 'Thanks for nothing, honkey!' Jack flicks off OJ and heads to cut off the flunky. We then see The All State Guy talk about Scoop and Squat, as Jack T-bones the flunky, and Asshead is a safe distance behind, in the hybrid. So oddly enough Jack, doesn't ass punch the guy, he just yells, 'No habla ingles! No insurancio, no policia. Adios, pendejo!' and drives off. So, Asshead, offers to give flunky a ride to where ever.
Jack is now to meet up with his boy Cola, and then they're gonna beat that ass. Jack tells Cola he's working with Asshead. Cola gets the look you'd get if Helen Thomas went topless. Ugh.... but Cola drives with Jack. Curtis then starts to hum some Method Man, and Jack is now worried.
Meanwhile back at Jackass House, Bam and April are being held hostage by Kumar, and so is Phil. Phil is told to run errands for Kumar, whose leg was cut when Dauber tossed him into a glass coffee table, before Kumar delivered the Mozambique Drill to Dauber. Kumar has April patch him up as he holds a shaking gun at Bam. Weeman and Johnny and Dunn left. Bam, curses them for being a bunch of bitches. So, Phil is to go drop off the package Kumar took out of the wall. Off goes Phil out of Suburbia, leaving Bam and April to Kumar's mercy and the Alligator on the floor.
At the White House, President Palmer agrees to Imhotep's latest demand. Free 100 Al Qaeda guys and put them on a plane to meet him, or more American will die. So, President Palmer turns into Little Richard and just agrees. Stenko is pissed, and even Frau Blucher (horse neighs) is miffed.
At this time, the prisoners are being put onto busses. And also, Palmer's stupid sister, Cynthia McKinney Crackwhore Clone, is being beligerent and hauled off with her big Muslim Boss to a concentration camp, oops, detainment center. Ze Kommandant takes Cynthia McKinney to his office, as Der SS beat up Big Muslim Guy. Now, Cynthia calls her bro. Instead, she gets Stenko and threatens to go Valerie Plame on him. So Stenko says go stuff your cigar, Monica, and hangs up. Then he goes back into the Oval Office, acting normal.
Bacardi and Cola are en route to nail the flunky. Cola is none too pleased with having to work with Asshead. Chloe is now called to see why Cola is pissed at Asshead. Chloe works as Morris and Michael Bolton, aka Milo continue their pissing contest. Morris is winning, cause he drank more beer the night before. And Michael, well, he was a lightweight. Loser!
Kumar wants water. Bam backwashes in it, and is about to stab Kumar with a butter knife, but remembers it's now dulled after him and Weeman and Dunn had a knife war. Stupid, he thinks to himself and sits down, as Phil is sent to go get the part. Phil is told, 'You get the part, after delivering the package! And on the way back, get me some White Castles! Bitch!' So Phil, arrives to see Kumar's bud, Van Wilder. Van wants more money, and Phil has to kill him and get the part for Kumar, or let Bam and Ape die. Damn, tough choice. Nah, Phil says as he smashes Van Wilder's head into mush!
Jack, Asshead, Cola, and a team of nameless CTU SWAT guys follow the flunky to the neighborhood Public Storage. No one bothers to check his storage unit, but he has plastique stowed there, Kalashnikovs, grenades, and a bunch of Korans. Wow, what a scion of the community he is. He's inside the unit, calling Imhotep to get more electronics for their nefarious bomb plot, mwahahaha. However, a SWAT guy steps on a cat's tail, and the shooting begins. Another nameless CTU guy is taken out. Jack and Cola are shooting the place up, Wild Bunch style, and wound the flunky. The flunky pulls out a nade, grenade, and yanks out the pin, blowing up his storage unit, the C-4, his Qurans, and himself. No 72 virgins for you! For you have blown up Qurans, instead of the Jew Bibles or Torahs! Bad terrorist! Do not pass go, do not collect $500! And we hear the broken-voiced teenage worker from the Simpsons stammer out, 'HEY! You owe us more than your deposit for this mess! I'm telling!'
President Palmer heard about the mission problems, and agrees to let the 100 freedom fighters (Stenko loudly coughs- BULLSH-T) and even Frau Blucher (horse neighs) is not happy. And now the prisoners are ready to be freed. Imhotep wants one of them in particular, and CTU knows he's a little nuke scientist. They try to nail Apu, but a bad guy guard let him off. Now, it's PRISON BREAK all over again.
At this time, Phil has killed Kumar's part buddy. The part is for a nuclear bomb, which the escaped little nuke scientist Apu needs, and Imhotep needs to set off a weapon. Now Imhotep raises his pinky to his mouth, and laughs.
To be continued.
posted by NDwalters @ 12:45 PM
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